#I guess I'll just say I'm gonna keep trying despite them. If I can hold on to ''Nothing matters.. so there's no point in worrying''

[fdragon-art]

Day 272 - Broken Apart

I'm falling apart.

I see the horizon ahead of me and see it broken into parts. The atmosphere, though it seems always there, will fade in time. It will fade, and leave behind nothing.

I see the stars floating above me, speckling the skies with its glitter. They consume their fuel, eventually expanding and imploding on itself, empty from its process. It may produce more behind it, but they, too, will stop existing.

I see my sense of self, a myriad of physical and mental networks. Combining and recombining, breaking apart and reorganising. Where does it lead? It's a clump of cells that will leave nothing behind.

I'll leave nothing behind.

Not because my ceasing to be "me" - and that is what death is here - won't affect those lives which are intertwined with mine. It's simply because those effects will fade, even as it creates its own chain of events.

It ripples outwards, energy decreasing as it spreads, until...nothing.

It all becomes nothing.

It all fades away.

...what do I do, when even the idea of dying seems pointless?

When nothing is meaningful...?

When nothing is meaningful to me anymore?

When nothing could be meaningful, knowing it all disappears?

...

The part of my mind that clings on to what the rest of us believe is important - being alive - tells me that I should still find my own meaning, even if - or perhaps, especially because of - nothing truly matters.

...but how do I fight the rest of me that finds no solace in that idea? How do I reconcile being "me" when, ultimately, it just doesn't matter...? Nothing is for any reason. Nothing can last forever, so nothing will remain in the end.

If all I can do is just take the next step and bear what comes next, then...

...why take that step anymore?

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | one.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 4.2k

—warnings: cussing/mature language, this is gonna start off kinda slow but i promise it'll get spicier lol, say hello to the rest of the professors in this fic ouweeee 🤪, some general bioengineering research terms, very vague mentions of mice research work, more of a glimpse into the yunho x san x iseul dynamic

—a/n: i'm also working on wooyoung's mini series so pls check it out! the next update will prob go up soon! ily <33

"Did you figure out your rotation for this quarter?" You walk alongside Jiung as you head to the Harvey Center, where Professor Choi's lab is located. Both you and Jiung had just finished up walking around campus to get your steps in, but to also check out the classrooms for all your upcoming classes this quarter and pick up books at the bookstore. Most of your classes were in familiar buildings, while two were entirely new. 

"Yeah, I gotta meet with one more professor then I think I can send off my final decision." You nod. Jiung is holding his bag of books and yours, not wanting you to haul them around campus with how heavy they can get.

"That's good."

"Yeah, hope so." He repeats. "Are you meeting with the other professors this week just to see if you wanna rotate in any of them instead?"

"Mhm. All in one week. I guess it makes it easier on me since I don't have to wait on anyone. I can decide by end of the week."

"Are you seeing them in person?"

"Just Professor Choi and Professor Kim. Everyone else said Zoom." Jiung nods.

"Wow, Professor Kim in person?"

"I heard he really values in person meetings." You chuckle. "Which is nice? Maybe it's cause he's the department chair."

"That, too. He just seems like that kinda person, though. He's super active in all the events."

"Truth." 

"Did you like rotating in Professor Bahng's lab last quarter?"

"I did. He was really cool. People in his lab are cool, too. I just.. I don't know? I didn't have a specific project I could focus on. Felt like I'd have trouble fitting myself in there and finding something to work off of. Everyone was great though, don't get me wrong. Just didn't click for me." 

"Makes sense. You wanna be happy and feel like you can thrive somewhere."

"Yeah, exactly. Plus, after talking to Sunwoo and Belle, I think my interests lie more in Professor Choi's lab." You look down at the bags before looking at the Harvey Center ahead of you. "You know you don't have to wait for me, Jiung. You can go to the apartment if you want."

"Nah, I'll wait. I don't have shit to do anyway." You swing the front doors open and Jiung instantly plops down on a free chair near the lobby doors. "I'll be here."

"Shit, I just realized I think his office is downstairs in the basement. I don't know if I have access."

"Where's Sunwoo or Belle?" You quickly pull out your phone and try to dial Sunwoo or Belle to help you. Unlucky for you though, none of them answer.

"I guess they aren't here for the day yet. They didn't pick up." You sigh. "Why didn't I think about this early on?!"

"Relax. It's fine! Poke your head around, I'm sure someone is there to let you in." You pucker your lips in dismay, hoping it doesn't cause any issues and make you late for your meeting. You should've asked for assistance in the first place, but it kinda blew over your head when Professor Choi responded quicker than you expected.

"Welp. Let's hope I don't fuck this up already." Jiung pats your head.

"You won't." You wave to him before heading into the elevators, down to the basement level of the building. It's quiet, and you don't see many people walking around despite it being close to 10am. As you approach the door to the basement, you peek into the window to try and catch a glimpse of anyone passing by in the visible hallway. To your luck, the hallway is dead and there doesn't seem to be any moving heads in any of the nearby lab rooms. You let out a sigh and take out your phone, wondering if you should just email Professor Choi to ask for assistance.

No, maybe someone will pass by in the next 5 minutes.

Give it 5 more minutes, then panic and email.

You tippytoe and peek through the window once more, muttering small curses to yourself for being so unprepared with your meeting. Now, he's probably going to think you can't—

"Y/N?" You turn to see Professor Choi behind you with a soft smile on his face. He's dressed in a grey turtleneck, black slacks and boots— large silver square-shaped frames sitting on the bridge of his nose. He has his hands in his pockets, a heavy leather bag slung on his shoulder. You're surprised he even knows it's you; then again, who else would be peeking into the basement at this time?

"Oh my god, hi—sorry." You pause, slightly embarrassed having Professor Choi catch you looking through the door's window the way you were. "I just realized I didn't have basement access so I was trying to see if anyone was around before bothering you."

"All good. Perfect timing, hm?" He taps his badge against the reader and swings the door open. "After you." You give him a curt bow as a thank you, slowly walking into the basement hallway. San trails behind you, and he takes note of the way you're dressed. You're in some wide-leg white jeans, a cream colored vest and some black platform loafers. It's cute, really. He gives you another toothless smile when you stop in your tracks and wait for him to lead the way. Hopefully, he didn't catch your eyes when you quickly skimmed his outfit again— he was tall and he was well-built, it was very obvious with that turtleneck he had on. He smells of a woody cologne, mixed with notes of jasmine and patchouli. It's not overbearing, but it definitely makes its presence known next to you. "How's your day been?" He asks and you just nod.

"It's been alright. I just went to pick up my books at the book store, explored around campus to make sure I knew where my classes were at. There's a few buildings I haven't had class in."

"That's good. Getting prepared for the quarter well I see." 

"Trying to, at least." He chuckles as he does an abrupt turn to the right and swings a door open. You follow him into another office space, where desks are lined up amongst each other. You find a few people sitting around, typing away on their desktops. It's too bad Sunwoo or Belle wasn't around. You'd probably feel a bit less nervous seeing their faces before the meeting.

"What's up, Professor Choi!" One of his lab members calls out. San does a quick nod and throws up a wave just as he unlocks his office door and steps inside. 

"Come in." He holds the door open for you once again. "Sorry it's a bit messy. I'm all over the place with these progress reports and finalizing class details."

"No worries! Honestly doesn't look messy to me." You look around seeing a stack of papers on his desk. Otherwise, everything is neat. He's got all his awards framed up and lined along the back wall. Books on shelves near his desk. A couch off to the side wall with two small pillows. A small coffee table. A mini fridge. Two chairs for guests at his desk. It's roomy, but not super roomy.

It smells like his cologne.

"Have a seat." He pulls out one of the two chairs directly in front of his desk. You sit and place your bag down on the ground, fixing yourself as Professor Choi sets his bag down and sits at his computer chair. "Gotta apologize again, it's my first meeting of the day so I don't have everything out and ready."

"No need to apologize, I get it." You chuckle and he smiles. 

"Your CV was really impressive." He says as he's pulling up said CV. He's looked at it enough times to have a photographic memory of it, which is the first for him. Right away, he can tell you'd work well in his lab. You have a good head on your shoulders, smart. Can contribute a lot. He just knows sometimes.

"Thank you." You smile and it makes San's smile grow bigger. 

"So, why do you wanna explore those areas? Tell me a little bit more about your experience with everything. Computational analysis, mice, 2P and opto-stim-neural circuit work. All that good stuff." He sits back a bit, his full attention now on you instead of your CV on the screen. You feel your hands get a 'lil clammy the more his eyes focus on you, your lips feeling a 'lil more dry than usual. Shit, he is attractive.

"Sure!" You quickly shake off the nerves and begin to tell him about your experience and interest in bioengineering. It all started when the field was briefly introduced to you in high school, and your curiosity grew to enormous levels when you found a few schools that had the specific undergrad program available. You've talked to a few seniors about their experiences, like Sunwoo, before solidifying your decision to move forward with the major. You tell him how you took a break after graduation to get some more hands-on experiences through two internships and a full-time job, working on in-vitro mice work, computational analysis and building and maintaining 2P microscopes. Then, you realized you really wanted to get back on track and pursue your graduate studies. You tell him about your rotation in Professor Bahng's lab last quarter and how you enjoyed it, but you were having trouble figuring out how you'd fit in the lab. When you talked to Sunwoo a little more about what he's been up to in Professor Choi's lab, your interest in opto-stim peeked, having been Professor Choi's niche. 

It's a nice, easy conversation. You find that Professor Choi isn't as intimidating as you thought. He chimes in with questions every now and then, making it a smooth two-way convo.

"Ah, Professor Bahng? That's my guy right there. Learned lots from him." You chuckle.

"He's brilliant."

"He is, he really, really is." He nods. "But I totally get it, it's good to experience things in order for you to understand what you really want or how to spend your time wisely."

"Exactly." You tilt your head and look at him. "That's pretty much it for me, though. Your work is great. I'm really interested in learning more and diving deep into opto-stim. I know the basics, but haven't gotten a chance to work with it. Sunwoo's project seems to encompass a lot of that, along with the other aspects I've worked with." 

"That's right. His project has been on a roll, same thing with Belle's. I can see you working between the both of them, most of your time with Sunwoo, though. I think you'll fit the best with his, and I can see a lot of potential avenues coming out of it. He's been asking for some help, too." He chuckles. "Why don't you talk to Sunwoo and Belle a little more? Then all four of us can meet in the next couple of days to finalize project ideas and details. Should be good to start the rotation afterwards if it all goes smoothly." Your eyes light up.

"Really? I-I mean, yes. I'll do that."

"Mhm. Let me know when you're ready? Just send me an another email."

"Thank you, Professor Choi." He smiles at you.

"You're very welcome. Do you have any other questions?" You look at him, head tilting out of curiosity.

"Um, not for the project. It's something more personal, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Go for it." He leans back again and rests his clasped hands on his lap.

"Why did you pursue this field?" San is having to pause because out of all the times he's met with students, people [besides formal interviews], no one has asked him that question. No one has asked him directly— people like to assume they know him because his name is out there, but not once has anyone asked about his experience.

"Hm." He hums. "It's probably gonna sound a little cliché and everything, so don't judge me." You giggle and shake your head. "It just felt like my calling? Kinda like you." When he smiles, you find yourself captivated by his dimples. They make everything about his smile so captivating and so, so charming. "I think you might know this already, but my dad was a biology professor. He always told me to challenge myself and think outside the box, and I think the early exposure to his career definitely shaped my path. He'd share his knowledge with me and try to ask me tricky questions. Make me think about what's around me, how things can be improved. Better understood. Then, I learned about bioengineering and tried to better understand it. Open new avenues for things that haven't been studied well yet. Just took lots of risks and tried things out. Failed lots of times before getting the hang of things."

"That's amazing. Your parents must be really proud."

"I hope so." He laughs. "Thanks for asking."

"Oh, no. Thank you. I wasn't sure if I overstepped with that question."

"What? No way. You're actually the first to ask and I appreciate that."

"Oh?" Is all you manage to get out, confused as to why he would say that. Has no tried to ask about him or get to know him a little better? Maybe it was just you, but you definitely thought building good, personal connections would bring more advantages than not— first and foremost, bringing comfort and ease, especially to any new environment. Who would wanna work in an awkward, tense setting?

"I mean it." San laughs. "I appreciate it. It's nice when people take a second to view me as a human and not a robot who is constantly churning work." 

"Course." The both of you maintain eye contact for a bit and it makes you feel so, so nervous that he's just looking at you. And he kinda is just looking at you. Observing you. He finds himself admiring your look once more; the hair, your smile, your nails. Cute. He knows he shouldn't, but truthfully, he can't really help himself when a beautiful woman is in front of him in general. He is a man, and a man who enjoys eye candy. "Anyway, I know you're probably booked and busy today, so let me get going."

"You're okay. I don't have anything until the next 30 mins, don't feel the need to rush."

"No, it's okay. I should totally let you be." You stand and smile at him as you sling the strap on your shoulder and tuck your bag close. "Thank you again, Professor Choi. I'm excited for what's to come."

"Me too. It'll be great, I know it." He stands, hands in his pockets as he follows you towards the door.

"Thanks." You turn to look at him, and he's not too far from you. "See you soon.. over Zoom?" You assume that since the basics and introductions are out of the way, it'll probably be more convenient for Professor Choi to do a Zoom meeting. Lo and behold, he surprises you with a: 

"In person would be nice." He smirks a bit. He does enjoy his in person meetings; they're more productive that way.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna waste your time."

"Never." He shrugs a bit. "I mean it. It's always better to talk in person, anyway." 

"I agree." You smile at him once more, hand on his door handle. "See you soon."

"Have a good one, Y/N. Feel free to email me if anything comes up."

"Appreciate it." You give him one last look before you swing the door open and find Sunwoo just about to settle down at his desk.

"Y/N! Professor Choi! Assuming it went well and I'll get the help I've been begging for?" San laughs.

"Yeah. I asked Y/N to talk to you and Belle about potential projects and to email me once she's ready so we can all meet and finalize details."

"Good with me." 

"Good with me, too." San gives you both a small, toothless smile before walking back into his office. "So, how'd it really go?"

"Good." You approach Sunwoo's desk. "He's not as intimidating as I thought. Kinda. Really laid back, though."

"Yeah, he's super chill and easy going. Super supportive. You'll enjoy it here." He waves his phone. "Sorry I missed your call earlier."

"I forgot I didn't have access into the basement."

"How'd you get in?"

"Professor Choi saw me peeking through the basement door window." Sunwoo snorts.

"Amazing first impression." You playfully pinch his bicep.

"Hate you." You pout. "I'm nervous."

"For what, dude?" He laughs. "I promise you, it's not that bad at all. As long as you put in the work and do what you need to do, everything will play out fine."

"What if I don't get into the lab post-rotation?"

"Don't say that." Sunwoo smiles. "You'll be good. Promise. You're smart and hardworking."

"We'll see. Maybe you'll realize how much of a pain in the ass I am when we work together."

"True." You glare at him and he laughs. "Kidding. Ready for classes to start soon?"

"No."

"That's the spirit." You chuckle. "Anyway, let me know when you're free this week. We can walk around the lab while we talk about projects. Belle is usually here around the same time I am so I'm sure we can grab her whenever." You nod. At this point, Chris and Yeosang walk into the room, the two in good spirits and engaging in lively conversation right before knocking on San's door. 

"Okay. I'll text you later, then. I gotta get back to Jiung, I left him upstairs."

"I saw." He chuckles and salutes just as he diverts his attention to the data on his desktop computer.

"Hi Professor Bahng, Professor Kang." You smile at them in passing and they nod in response.

"Hey Y/N! Nice to see you around these parts." Professor Bahng says with that usual happy tone of his. Professor Kang is a little more shy, but never fails to acknowledge you with a smile or soft 'hello.' Chris presses his ear to the door before laughing and swinging the door open, greeting San as casually as they can before the door shuts.

"Whattup!" Chris plops onto San's couch while Yeosang takes the other end.

"Nothing much. Just finished my meeting with the rotation student. You know her, actually."

"Oh, Y/N? Yeah! She's crazy smart. Think she'll do some good work in your lab." San nods.

"So, what's the plan you wanted to talk about?"

"I need to start planning the symposium for one of the grants. It needs to happen within the next month. Was hoping you can help us, give us a few tips? Maybe do a talk?"

"Where are you planning to do it?"

"Right next door at the Acacia Center, was hoping one of the huge conference rooms would be open."

"Probably the best place to do it because they can cater for the event, too."

"Who else can we recruit to do a talk, though?" Yeosang sits back and lets out a sigh. "Jongho?"

"Try seeing if Namjoon is free, that'll definitely draw some people." They all laugh in unison knowing Namjoon's power. "And make sure you do the whole email blast with flyers everywhere. Let people pass it along."

"Yeah, okay. But, also, don't hate me." Christopher looks at San with an awkward smile. San knows though, he knows very well what he's hinting at.

"We've already talked about this. I don't care."

"I know, but still. You're one of my good friends and I'd hate to put you in an uncomfortable position."

"Well, Yunho is always gonna be there and I don't expect things to change. We're always gonna have to work together despite what happened."

"I don't know how you do it, I'm sorry." Yeosang says, slightly shaking his head as he sinks into the couch a little more. 

"I agree. You're strong, man."

"I have no choice." San laughs. "Besides, I stopped letting that consume me a long time ago. It's none of my concern anymore. As long as I can get my shit done without issues and minimal contact, I couldn't care less."

"That's real, honestly." Chris lets out a breath. "Well, I'm gonna ask him to do a talk."

"Go for it. Will probably be good for the grant, too." San sighs. He meant it when he said he stopped letting the entire thing consume him a long time ago. And he does have to interact with Yunho whether he likes it or not; it's not like he's gonna give everything up just because he can't stand some petty drama from the past. Besides, he promised Namjoon he was okay. He promised he wouldn't cause issues even though Namjoon didn't expect any. But, it did hurt. He's not gonna lie— there are days when he still questions everything and he wonders why things unfolded the way it did. 

He just knows better now, and can actually brush it off without it affecting his mood, his surroundings.

"I gotta keep going through my list of people."

"I can ask around, too." San says. "Do you want me to see if the big conference room is free?"

"Yeah, please?" Chris laughs. "They give you everything."

"No, they don't." San rolls his eyes with a chuckle. 

"Damn near." Yeosang adds.

"Any of your lab members wanna do a poster presentation?"

"Uh." San shuts his eyes in thought for a second. "Let me ask, I think Yoon might have some good data to present."

"Okay, let me know." San nods. "You guys free for lunch later?"

"12:30, maybe?" Yeosang stands and looks at his watch. "I gotta get to my next round of meetings 'till then."

"Same. Text me where to meet?" Chris stands and nods before throwing up the peace sign.

"Will do. Thanks for the tips and for looking into the room."

"I'll let you know what they say." Both Christopher and Yeosang nod just as they walk out of his office and leave him to his peace. He makes a note to send an email after his next meeting about the room and catering, knowing how hard it can be to reserve a room within a month's time frame at this campus. He'll do what he can to help Chris, though— that's one of his good friends and somebody who didn't turn their back on him after everything that's happened. Even Yeosang, Mingi, Jongho. Namjoon. Of course, everyone works great together. Everyone is civil when they need to be. But San knows if he ever needed them, they'd be there for him in a heartbeat. 

They'd be the people he could turn to without question.

When it comes time for lunch, San is barely getting out of his meeting at 12:30pm. He finds Chris, Yeosang and Mingi at the café right across the way from the Harvey Center, falling in line with them just as it grows during the lunch hour rush. They grab their food and plop down at a shaded table off to the side, greeting a few familiar faces and passing students.

"What's up?" Yunho passes, nodding at the table and giving Chris' shoulder a quick massage. Iseul follows behind, not paying the group any mind. Yeosang, Mingi and Chris share their own 'hello's,' while Yunho and San continue to play the silent treatment with each other. Yes, San will work with Yunho if he needs to. He'll be civil, he'll act like nothing ever happened. He'll act like their relationship wasn't severed after everything that went down. But, if he's out here minding his business, eating lunch with friends— he'd rather not bump into Yunho and Iseul and make any small talk. Simply just cause. He's done a lot of work to get past that and he doesn't want anything to do it with anymore.

"Anyway." Mingi says, making Chris snort.

"Anyway. Ya'll trying to hit the gym sometime tomorrow?"

"I'm down." San says, scrolling through his phone. He'll scratch some time out of his evening to hit the gym since it's been a few days  since his last gym session. At least, he plans to finalize his class schedule before end of the day today— he'll have a little more breathing room once he submits that to the department.

"No way, you're not serious!" Your voice echoes as you exit the café, laughing along with Jiung and Felix over Felix's random encounter that he was giving you details about. San diverts his attention to your group, recognizing the outfit, the voice. He sips on his drink and continues to watch the smile on your face build, the animated hand gestures you use, the way you so attentively listen to every word your friends are telling you. Oddly enough, he finds that seeing you is a good distraction. He feels a little more relaxed post-5 second Yunho and Iseul encounter, a small subtle smile creeping up on his lips when he sees you throw your head back in laughter. It's soothing.

That's probably the moment he realizes you are enticing.

And to be honest, he's not understanding why he feels a certain pull to you; it's so uncommon and so, so foreign, to him. He doesn't even think he felt this way when he first started dating Iseul. Don't get him wrong— he did love her, he did feel the usual giddiness, the honeymoon phase, all of the above. Everything progressed as naturally as it could with that time. 

But with you, he's finding a certain itch. He's not sure how to relieve himself, especially when he knows he shouldn't. He can't. 

It'll be trouble having you around, he's very aware of that. It'll be a test for him, the boundaries he creates to make sure you both don't cross that line.

He can't.

Still doesn't mean he won't.

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom

[nightwriter357]

Smosh Summer Games:ships part 8

Thank you so much for all the support guys. After this one there's 2-3 parts left and I'm so excited for you to read it and hear you opinions on it!! Hope you guys like this one!

Part 8: Why is everybody afraid of love, LOVE.

Waking up next to him still felt bittersweet. This is temporary, you reminded yourself. Soon, you’d be waking up alone again, the warmth of his body just a distant memory.

His grip tightened, almost like he could read your thoughts, pulling you a little closer. You stirred and turned to face him, only to find his eyes already on you, half-lidded but awake, studying you.

“Were you watching me sleep?” you teased, raising an eyebrow.

He smirked, though there was something softer in his expression. “Caught me,” he said, voice low. “Hard to look away.”

“Smooth.” You smiled, despite yourself. He leaned in, brushing his lips against yours, the kiss soft at first but deepening, almost like he was trying to hold onto every second.

When you finally pulled away, you could feel the weight of the moment between you.

“So... last night really was the last time, huh?” You tried to keep it casual, but your voice wavered slightly.

Damien blinked, his lips parted like he was about to say something, but you cut in before he could respond. “All of this is gonna be over soon,” you said, tracing a finger down his chest, playful but tinged with the uncertainty of what came next.

He sighed, pulling you even closer, his breath warm against your hair. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “I just... don’t want to stop.”

You nudged him playfully. “Then don’t, I'll give you a minute longer.”

He chuckled, his chest vibrating against you. “Is that an invitation?”

“Maybe,” you grinned, feeling a little lighter.

He pulled you back into his arms, the hug lingering a little too long, but neither of you seemed in a hurry to break it. It felt like you both knew that when you did, the illusion would shatter. You thought about asking him if he felt the same way—if this was more than just a fling to him—but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Instead, you settled for breaking the moment with a nudge. “We should probably head up before someone comes looking for us. Can’t have them questioning why we're always sneaking of”

He groaned, reluctantly letting go. “Yeah, I guess. But if they ask, I'm blaming you.”

“Fair,” you laughed, rolling out of bed with a grin. “Come on, let’s go.”

As you both got dressed and headed up to meet the others, you couldn't shake the feeling of his lingering touches or the unspoken words between you. By the time you reached the group, you pushed the thoughts aside, deciding for now to just enjoy his company.

When you arrived, the others were already gathered, except for Courtney and Shayne, who were nowhere to be seen. You caught a few curious glances from the others, but nobody said anything—yet. They seemed far to invested in their own conversation.

Arasha smirked. "I didn't dominate; I was just... exceptionally prepared."

Angela, raising a fork in her hand, chimed in. "If by 'exceptionally prepared' you mean psychic, then sure."

Arasha raised her mug in silent agreement, her face unreadable. "I'm having a ball, though. Doesn't matter who wins."

Spencer feigned disappointment. "A ball? Really?"

Arasha didn't miss a beat. "Sorry didn't meen to appropriate you culture. A ball is plenty, who needs two anyway?"

Spencer blinked, mock-offended. "Hey, you're expelled for that."

As the group joked around, you couldn't shake the thoughts of this morning. Each glance from Damien seemed to carry more weight than the laughter around you. Are you ever going to be able to not be distracted by him?

Angela snickered. "Is that even something a judge can do?"

"It's usually up to management," Trevor added, nodding sagely.

Olivia leaned in, whispering far too loudly, "Management? So, Rhett and Link?"

Trevor furrowed his brows. "It would be Ian and Anthony?"

She lowered her voic  leaning closer. "Oh, right! That explains why he's been hanging around."

Anthony shook his head with a grin. "You literally whispered that TO me."

Damien chuckled beside you, his hand brushing yours under the table, sparking that familiar warmth between you two. You couldn't help but glance his way, that bittersweet feeling creeping back in.

Chanse playfully nudged Arasha. "We have been trapped on this ship for way to long. We need to meet people, dance, have sex."

Your eyes met Damiens as you tried to supress a smile.

Tommy piped up, wiggling his eyebrows. "So... who do we think is the last person here that got laid?"

Angela laughed, setting her cup down with a bang. "Well, Shayne and Courtney are missing... so I guess it's safe to assume it's at least one of them!"

Everyone chuckled, nodding in agreement. 

Tommy glanced around, leaning forward. "Okay, but who's gonna be the next person to have sex?"

Arasha didn't hesitate, locking eyes with you. "Y/n."

You froze, choking on your coffee. Damien, who had just taken a sip of his drink, nearly spit it out. "Uh, no. Not me. Like how would I even do that?"

You felt your cheeks heat as the group exchanged knowing glances. "Seriously, not me," you echoed, feeling the weight of Arasha's smirk from across the table.

"Oh, really?" she asked, her voice as smooth as ever.

For a second, you swore her gaze shifted to Damien, then back to you. But before you could react, the conversation kept going, leaving you and Damien awkwardly glancing at each other.

Arasha's lips curled into a small, mischievous smile. "But if we were stuck here, Angela would you kiss Amanda?

"No way," Angela scoffed.

Arasha smirked. "But what if you're choking and need mouth-to-mouth?"

"And what if you're doing mouth-to-mouth and you need choking?" Tommy added with a wink.

Amanda, unfazed, leaned back in her chair, a mischievous grin on her face. "I would," she quipped, winking at the group.

Angela eyes looked as is they were going to pop out of their sockets, while the rest of the table erupted in laughter, Amanda elbowed her playfully. 

You smiled along still puzzled by the moment that had just passed. It wasn't what Arasha said, though- that definitely lingered, it was the way she said it. Like she knew something you didn't. 

"Well, at least we know Damien wouldn't be hooking up with anyone," Arasha said with a sly grin. "You know how he is—he's gotta actually like the person first."

Your heart jumped at that, stealing a glance at Damien. What does that mean?

Damien didn't look at anyone else but you, his expression softening. "Yeah... I'm not into meaningless things." His voice was quiet but firm, each word carrying a weight that made your breath hitch.

Tommy, oblivious, chuckled. "No random flings, huh?"

Damien's gaze never wavered from yours. "You could say that," he said slowly, his voice carrying weight. The implication hung in the air, and your chest tightened, trying to read between the lines.

The intensity of his words sent your thoughts spiraling. He means me... doesn't he? It was too much to process, the uncertainty, the possibility. You needed space.

"I, uh, need to... get some air," you blurted, standing quickly as you excused yourself from the table.

You barely registered their responses as you walked away, your heart pounding in your chest. You had to talk to Courtney. Now. As you left them at the dining table you could hear Angela saying, "but she went downstairs? is she getting air inside?

 You weren't sure if barging into the room to talk about this was a great idea—especially with Shayne there. You had told Courtney about you and Damien hooking up, but this? This was a whole different level of confusion. Still, you couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. Talking about this felt... awkward, but you needed to figure out what was happening. 

You burst into the room, barely giving Courtney and Shayne time to process your frantic energy. They both sat on the bed, chatting before you interrupted.

"I need to talk to you... about Damien," you blurted, breathless.

Courtney raised an eyebrow, exchanging a look with Shayne.

"Oh, so it's finally happening," Shayne said, smirking.

You blinked. "Wait, what? You knew?"

"Of course," he replied, sitting back. "I've known for a while."

You blinked rapidly, confused. "How? I only just told Courtney!"

Shayne glanced between you and Courtney, his smirk turning into confusion. "You told her?"

Courtney stifled a laugh, sensing where this might be heading. Shayne didn't pick up on it.

"I mean, we already told her that," he continued, clearly thinking you were on the same page.

You threw your hands up, bewildered. "Wait, wait... hold on. How could you know? I never talked to you about... Damien and me."

Shayne grinned, still oblivious. "Come on, he told me WAY before he told you."

You stared at Shayne, dumbfounded. "Wait, how could you know before me? That literally makes no sense. What, did Damien give you like... a rundown of all of it before it happened?"

Shayne, still unaware, gave a confused chuckle. "Well, yeah, obviously he told me about it before you."

Your face twisted in disbelief. "BEFORE?! What do you mean 'before'? I'm pretty sure I was there every time. I would have known BEFORE you?!""

Courtney's eyes widened, "Wait everytime? It happned more than once!?"

You blushed, your voice low. “a.. few times.”

Shayne raised an eyebrow, still not catching on. "Uh, can  ithappen more than once?"

You stared at him, completely lost. "What? Yes, what do you mean, ofcourse if can happen more than once? It's not like you guys have only had sex once?" You looked over at Courtney."

Courtney stifled a laugh as Shayne blinked in bewilderment. "Wait, WHAT?! You guys had sex?"

Courtney burst into laughter, clutching her sides. “Oh my god, this is the best thing I’ve ever witnessed!”

"That IS what we are talking about?!" you exclaimed, rubbing your temples.

Shayne ran his hands through his hair, looking utterly flustered. "Wait, that’s what you’ve been talking about this whole time?!  - So your saying he told you that he's inlove with you and then you had sex?!"

"Yes" You froze mid-sentence. "Wait... WHAT? In love with me?! I'm just talking about the fact that we had sex!"

Shayne looked like he was processing way too much at once. "Hold up. So Damien, who has been in love with you for years, finally hooks up with you... and you thought it was a fling?"

You blinked, trying to make sense of everything. "Oh my god. He likes me? Like, actually likes me? I didn't know he was in love with me! I thought it was just... something that happened."

Shayne let out a half-laugh, half-groan, shaking his head. "Oh my god, this whole time... How did you not see it?"

Your eyes widened.  Shayne facepalmed as you started to ramble. "He likes me? Why? How? When? Oh my god—he's liked me this whole time?"

Courtney snorted, wiping away tears from laughing. "This is such a mess."

"I like him too," you muttered, your brain short-circuiting from the revelation. "I... I need to talk to him."

Shayne groaned. "You better, because I need to lie down after this.."

Courtney had a wide smile on her face, "Oh my god, this is going to be so good."

You dart out of the room, practically skidding around the corner as you spot Damien near the door to your cabin. Your breath’s still catching up, but you launch into words anyway.

“Damien!” you pant, rushing over. “We—we get along, right? Really well?

He blinks, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Yeah, I know.. we do. What’s up?”

You take a deep breath, trying to slow your racing thoughts. “Okay, good, because I want us to still get along when we get back, even after… you know, everything that’s happened.”

“Uh-huh…” he responds, clearly not following where this is going.

“And now that we know all of that, there’s… also a lot of stuff we don’t know! Or, I mean, stuff you don’t know, or that I know but you don’t know—yet!” You’re practically vibrating with energy.

Damien's eyebrows scrunch together, trying to piece together what you're saying. “Wait, what? I mean, I think we know eachother very well.”

“Yes! Exactly!” You pause, realizing how close you’re getting. “Well, not exactly. I mean, yes, but—wait, no, I mean—ugh, I don’t know how to say it!”

Damien’s brow furrows, his confusion deepening. “Waht are you trying to say?”

 You take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself. “I mean, I..

Just as you’re about to blurt it all out, Spencer pops up between you two, practically bouncing with excitement. “Hey, lovers! Time for the game!”

You gape at Spencer as he throws his arms around both of you. “Let’s go!” He pulls you both away before you can get another word out. You glance back at Damien, who’s still looking mildly puzzled, but you’re already being whisked away.

Your chance slips away as Spencer drags you off, and all you can think is: Great timing, Spencer. Great timing.

[wordsofwilderness]

Wrap Up of my Jegulus Kinktober Writing

First of, thank you so much to everyone over at @jeguluskinktoberr for organising the event! It was so much fun to participate :D

In total I wrote 16.117 words across 11 fics, all of which can be found here.

And oh wow, I don't think I've ever had such a productive month in terms of writing before. Turns out it's so much easier for me to get words on to the page when I don't have to navigate complicated character motivations, foreshadowing or detailed plot structures.

I thought it would be fun to have a look at what I did end up writing, so I made a few graphs:

At first glance I would say that James' oral fixation really came through, but most of the eating out was in fact done by Regulus. Though, I sure James has no complaints about that

The switches really be switching here. I am kind of surprised I didn't end up writing top Regulus at all despite trying to vary everything. Though, even more so I'm surprised by the amount of fic I wrote without and kind of anal or vaginal penetrative sex

You can really see what I cut back on to try to keep the fics to a manageable length with these two. In fact the one fic that ballooned completely (Crowded with You) both didn't have a established relationship, and had a proper AU specified. I guess I know a bit better now how to contain my writing. I do really like both grounding my writing in a setting and writing pinning, so idk if it's a skill I'm gonna be using much 😅

For reference only 2 of the 11 fics are omegaverse, yet they completely carried the word count for the month. To be fair, I did actively choose to not hold back with them, I can't just do omegaverse only halfway, that trope deserves proper care

With all that said, I really miss my long fics. I'm gonna be diving into my pile of wips and outlines, so I fear the era of frequent posting is over. Hopefully, I'll be able to get something out to you all before the distant future though!!

[wonderful-magician]

OK do you ship dinahboose and if you do I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS. ( I saw you where analyzing ceeb’s characterization sooo) if not just use this as a free space to ramble about something else idk 💀

it is 1:am but I am so desperate to ramble and I also will take any excuse to draw any ship I like ever which is almost too many so excuse me if I sound nonsensical

^^!!

OKAY I LOVE DINAHBOOSE obv I've been into this musical for a total of 2 weeks or so- so I'm still scrounging every bit of Information on these guys that I can. And I've done wayyy more research on CB than I have Dinah ( he has a lot more to look at though ) but these two just make sense to me. They just make sense. Opposites but not opposites. They are confusing and they are both confused. But at least they can hold hands while confused.

Personally I struggle to ever hate or dislike ships unless there's like a blindingly obvious reason to dislike a ship. But dinahboose is probably my second favorite ship so far for StEx ( Electraboose has 1st place and Krupp/purse has 3rd )

Totally not gonna use this to talk about my personal rewrite of StEx.. specifically C.B. because I don't want to make a post just for it LMAO.

So yeah I've been basically studying C.B. ( or, I guess caboose because he hasn't been called C.B in a long time... but C.B has more personality.. ) and my version of C.B. is probably a horrible amalgamation of OLC and 2015 Bochum. Because I love radio aesthetics and the Dinah friendship but I also love the toy soldier aesthetic and absolutely batshit laugh ( I also love it when C.B. is played by somebody too flexible for their own good ) hes just a glorified circus clown on wheels with a radio set strapped to his head.

And I wish I could pretend that I understand cutting him but I do and I don't and I do. Because I honestly feel like C.B in the original does more than Electra lmao. But I don't think cutting people is the solution most the time tbh.

Okay onto more half asleep rambling that is likely to change because I'm still in the early stages of this rewrite. But. I recognize that C.B. has some issues. The one most of my friends point out is that he seemingly has no motive. He just... Is silly I guess. And I think this is a bit funny because I do like an antagonist with the motive of " it would be funny " , but at the same time. Kind of hard to make that character very ...er... Well I'll just say it does get a bit boring.

Something I also heard was that in the reasons C.B. has been cut was because caboose's aren't exactly used anymore, which is totally fair!

But could also totally be a motivation! Think about it, why is C.B still working? Still working with the freight despite essentially being useless? Because greaseball wants to keep him around to use him for cheating. Easy! Obviously none of this could easily be translated to the show. But for some comics/writings? Yes. Yes.

Think about it. Rusty is struggling, he feels a bit useless because steam is falling behind! So he tries to win and prove himself. But who else feels useless because of their job being replaced? C.B. but unlike rusty, C.B takes the other path, instead of trying to be a role model and win or prove himself. He just goes down the path of crime. And hey, he's probably a crazy adrenaline junky too so he's still doing it for the fun!

And why does he betray greaseball? Plenty of reasons. C.B might dislike greaseball because of poor treatment, he might dislikes greaseball for his treatment of Dinah, he probably just wants to get the adrenaline high of betraying him in the first place. Maybe to prove that he's important and needed because if he doesn't help, greaseball will lose. And he wants to hold it over him for his own personal desire of self importance. Who knows. He's a complicated little clown he is.

Ok anyway yeah I'm like the #3 Dinahboose supporter I will draw them more hehbehehehee

[waywardxrhea]

Chapter 1 - Heart of Stone

What happens when you lie to the Devil? How long can one woman keep a lifetime of secrets from the Devil of Hell's Kitchen? The answer may surprise you...

installment list

pairing: Matt Murdock x enhanced!fem!OC

series content: coffee shop AU, fluff, humor, friends to lovers, pining, language, canon typical violence, use of guns, angst, drinking, implied smut, medical emergencies, mental health disorders (PTSD, panic disorder).

"you can build me up, you can tear me down, you can try but i'm unbreakable. you can do your best, but i'll stand the test, you'll find that i'm unshakable. when the fire's burnt, when the wind has blown, when the water's dry you'll still find stone. my heart of stone" - heart of stone, six the musical

word count: 3.9k

A series of unfortunate events leads Julianne Porter to uproot her entire life in London.

Standing at the back of the crowded church, Julianne Porter wiped away a tear that slipped from her eye despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. As she saw her father’s watchful eyes turning in her direction, she darted back behind the pillar so he didn’t see her because that would have meant certain punishment for daring to step foot into the church hosting his wife’s funeral. She was her mother too, but considering he blamed her for his wife’s untimely death in the first place, Julianne was unceremoniously barred from attending the event.

She couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t try to attend though, so she took what she could, sneaking in through the doors right as her mother’s favorite song was playing loudly through the speakers. Eileene was always a lively person and she had always made it clear to her husband Dean that when her time came, she wanted the funeral to be a joyous occasion celebrating her life, love, and career. Despite that wish though, Julianne wore all black because in the end, after what her father said to her that night, she felt she was to blame.

Giggling like a lovestruck teenager, Julianne kissed her boyfriend one last time before they came to a stop at the gate outside of the Porter family manor. “Tonight was amazing,” he told her between the last few kisses of the night.

“Thank you for taking me out, I really needed it,” she replied with a smile, wrapping her arms around his strong form, adding, “I wish it didn’t have to end.”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to… Come back to my place tonight, I’ll make it worth your while,” he told her with a sly wink.

She giggled once more before shaking her head and telling him, “I can’t, you know how it is around here. I…I really shouldn’t have even gone out tonight so last minute. If my father finds out I’ve been with you, he’ll kill me…”

“One day I’m gonna make that man like me, just you wait, darlin’,” he told her confidently.

“In your dreams, that man is-“ she started to say.

Julianne’s sentence was cut off though as she heard a scream coming from within the manor. Her eyes went wide as she pushed Kit away, telling him, “Shit, I have to go. I…I’ll call you later!”

Without a second glance back toward Kit’s shocked form, Julianne was off, racing up the drive of the manor with shaking hands, hoping for the best but expecting the worst upon hearing such an ear-splitting scream. When she got inside though, her worst fears came to fruition as she saw her mother being held at gunpoint. Upon seeing the fear in her mother’s eyes, Julianne put her hands up and said calmly, “Let’s not lose our heads now, let’s talk this out, I’m sure there’s some sort of agreement we can come to here.”

“We aren’t here to bargain princess. Grab her!” the man holding her mother snapped.

“I guess we’re doing it my way then aren’t we?” she asked before forcefully stomping on the ground, sending some of the granite flooring into the air, followed quickly by a punch to send the stone directly at the man holding her mother hostage.

“Don’t let her use her powers you blitherin’ idiots!” the man shouted.

Julianne could see two men coming at her from behind in a mirror across from her and launched an attack on them as well, causing the tile at their feet to suddenly sink into the ground, effectively trapping them in place. In her distraction of making sure that the men’s feet were thoroughly stuck, a third man came up behind her and picked her up off the ground like a daisy. 

“Let go of me! I’ll-!” she tried to shout as she struggled in the man’s strong arms.

Everything in the next few seconds happened so quickly that she didn’t even have time to think before she saw her mother’s brains being shot out of the side of her head by her captor. And Julianne? Well she was screaming bloody murder as the men ran from the house jeering at her all the while.

“What the bloody hell is going on out here, I was in the middle of a conference with a very important client about-“ came Dean Porter’s voice as he stalked into the room flanked by two men from his security detail. He stopped cold though as he saw Julianne weeping over her mother’s body, the pool of blood surrounding them growing steadily. “Ridge, Oliver, find the men who did this. I want them dead. I’ll deal with the brat…” 

A third man emerged from the room holding a binder to his chest, asking, “Dad, what-?” He too stopped cold as he saw his twin sister weeping over their mother’s body, his mouth agape and eyes wide. 

The memory was abruptly interrupted by Julianne’s phone buzzing in her trouser pocket. She sneakily ducked out of the church before answering quietly, “Hey love, everything all right?”

“Smashing,” came Kit’s bright voice from the other line. “Look, I’m really sorry you couldn’t give your mum a proper goodbye… If you want, meet me at our usual spot for some cheering up. I’ll bring your favorite.”

“You’re the best, thank you,” Julianne whispered, her voice breaking with emotion at his kindness. “I’ll see you in ten, I love you.”

“I love you more,” he replied with the slightest crack in his voice at the end. Kit had met Eileen a few weeks ago for the first time and they hit it off instantly, and even though Dean hadn’t approved of Julianne dating, Eileen was happy to see her little girl happy. So, when Julianne told Kit about witnessing her murder, he had been a bit of an emotional mess too. Ever since that night, he had been especially gentle with Julianne and her emotional state, meeting with her in their secret spot just outside of the manor every night and bringing her chocolates or champagne to help her feel better. And while the gifts did bring her joy, merely being in his warm embrace and hearing his reassuring words brought her more comfort than any tangible object could.

The walk to the manor was breezy, the chilled autumn air cutting right through Julianne’s scarf and coat. She hugged her arms close to her body as she approached the little alcove she always met Kit in, calling out quietly, “Kit, it’s Julie, you here?”

Her eyebrows knit together when she didn’t get a response and instead heard a quiet thud on the ground, one that sounded almost…wet? She peered around the corner and for the second time in as many weeks, Julianne was weeping over the body of a loved one. Her limbs went numb, and she felt lightheaded as she surveyed Kit’s battered body bleeding out onto the concrete around him.

As Julianne fell to her knees with a sob, her heart kicked into high gear, racing irregularly in her chest as black threatened to engulf her vision. The darkness started to take over as she fell to the ground, the last thing she saw before passing out was the note nailed to Kit’s chest that read, “This is on you, Julianne.”

“Is someone over here?” James asked as he and Oliver made their way into the area a few minutes later. “I thought you said you heard something,” James snapped as they walked. 

“I did, I swear it,” Oliver replied, turning the corner into the little alcove. He stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the sight in front of him: a bloodied Kit Wilson and Julianne unmoving near him. “Holy shit, James, I-”

“Shit, check on Julie, I’ll call Dad, see what he wants to do,” James said, reaching for his cell in his coat pocket. 

James heard Oliver sigh in relief after a few moments, saying, “She’s alive. Heart rate is through the roof though.”

“It’s that stupid heart condition. She’ll come to soon,” James replied as he listened to his father’s instructions over the phone, turning his back to the scene as a sly smirk twisted its way onto his face. 

“Are you sure you want to do this? There’s always time to back out,” said JD,  a friend of Julianne’s since uni. 

“Yes JD, I’m sure, I’ve been planning this for a month. I…I can’t be here anymore,” she replied quietly as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Remember your promise back when I first found out what you do?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…” he said with an exasperated sigh. “I’m just saying, this is a big decision, and you haven’t exactly been in the best mindset since…”

“Since my mother and boyfriend were killed because of me?” she asked haughtily.

“I wouldn’t exactly put it like that…” he replied hesitantly.

“Just give me the IDs and passports JD,” she told him.

“Not until you tell me your plan to get out of the country,” he said defiantly.

“How I’m getting out of here doesn’t matter, just know that I’ll manage,” she responded.

“And that’s exactly why I’m worried, Jules. In my line of work when someone says something along those lines it means they’re about to do something either illegal or borderline suicidal. So, which is it?” he asked seriously, holding the documents closely to his body while Julianne impatiently held out her hand.

“Let’s just say that the O’Hare syndicate is about to get a pretty paycheck thanks to me,” she told him while gesturing for JD to hand over the documents.

JD made a choking noise as his eyes went wide. His eyebrows shot up as he asked, “The O’Hare syndicate? As in your father’s most powerful rival? Are you mad?!”

“Quite apparently,” she replied shortly as she snatched the documents from his loosened grip. “If my father wants to play dirty I will too. It’s only fair, innit?”

“Well while we’re on the subject, what the bloody hell is he going to say or do to me and my family when he finds out I helped you? This isn’t just about you anymore!” JD said, a bite of anger in his voice as he glared at Julianne. 

“Trust me, I’ve thought this all out. I can get you and your family out of the country too. Get a new start and get the kids away from…stuff like this,” she said, shaking her head when she ended her sentence. “All you have to do is say the word.”

“And what if your little plan doesn’t work? What if the O’Hares don’t follow through?”

“Then that means I’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry about my father blaming you for helping me. Pack what you need and only what you need. When they agree to my terms, the O’Hares will deal with the rest,” she said as she turned her back and began heading for the door.

“You seem awfully confident this is going to work,” JD called, a hint of desperation in his voice. 

“Just trust me, will you? Be ready to go come week’s end. If all goes to plan this is the last time you’ll be seeing me. Take care old chap,” she said as she pulled her hood over her head and ducked out into the gloomy London night. 

After a ride on the tube and a few minutes walk, Julianne found herself walking into a crowded pub full of Irishmen, armed to the teeth. “Oi, where can I find Sheamus around here?” she shouted, which prompted about a dozen guns and even more blades to be pointed in her direction. 

“That’s that Porter gal innit?” one man asked aloud to his buddies. 

“Why I oughta-” another growled, cocking his gun and aiming it at her forehead. 

Julianne put her hands in the air and said, “Oh calm down, I’m here to cut a deal and line all of your pockets. If I can talk to Sheamus.”

“Pat her down, make sure she isn’t armed,” the second man said while still training his pistol at her head. 

“You know she doesn’t have to have any weapons to fight right? Not with those freak powers of hers…” the first man told him as he advanced toward Julianne and began frisking her. 

“Well then check her for a wire you blitherin’ idiot!” he shouted.

After a more thorough than needed pat down, Julianne asked, “See? I’m unarmed and unwired. I came for a deal. That’s all.”

“You came into enemy territory, that's what you did, lass! Now if you don’t get out of me pub in five seconds, I’ll-” the irate man snarled before he was cut off by a handsomely dressed man entering from behind the bar.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here? Do my eyes deceive me, or is little miss Julianne Porter standing in the middle of my pub?” Sheamus O’Hare asked, throwing a pointed glare at the man with his gun trained on Julianne. 

“The one and only,” Julianne told him with a small smile. 

“Well Miss Porter, I’m not usually one to make deals with me rival’s daughter, especially one whose gotten some of me men caught due to their inability to run from the cops after you…dealt with them. So tell me why you’re here before this place lights up.”

“With all due respect, I’d rather not discuss intricacies in front of so many men, especially ones with guns pointed at me,” she told him, taking a quick glance around the many guns still trained on her. 

“Give me one good reason to let you back into my office and let you walk out of here alive,” he countered. 

“The shipment that’s coming in tomorrow night for my father. The details are yours if you and your men agree to my terms,” she said, not breaking eye contact with him for even a second. 

A smirk slowly made its way onto Sheamus’s face as he gestured for the men to lower their weapons. He reached out a hand for Julianne to take as he said to her, “If that intel’s good, I think we can make the proper arrangements. Follow me.”

As she followed him back to his office, he asked, “So what made you want to turn on your old man?”

“He had my boyfriend killed. I think it’s about proper time he got what’s coming for him,” she replied as she took a seat across from him.

He ran his hand over his facial hair while contemplating the sincerity behind her words before asking, “So what’s in it for us?”

Julianne scoffed, telling him, “Only the biggest shipment this country’s ever seen. It’s coming directly from Mexico with the product hidden in clothing, ready for sale. If you take over the shipment from the seller, you’ll not only get the product, but you’ll also be making him lose money. The daft bastard’s already paid. So he’ll be out and you’ll be swimming in more money than you’ll know what to do with.”

Sheamus narrowed his eyes and asked, “What’s the catch? You seem like you’re a smart girl, there’s no way you’re just doing this to get revenge.”

“So you O’Hares are brighter than they say you are,” she told him with a wink. “But you’re right, there are a few things I want in return.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to help me fake my death and the death of JD Williams plus his family. And you need to make it look damn good because you’ll be sending photographic proof of my death to my father. Once you do those things, we’ll all be out of the country and the slate will be wiped clean. You get a seller, I get revenge and to safety, my father loses. It’s a win-win for the both of us. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?” When she finished her side of the bargain, she crossed her legs as she waited for his response. 

“So you’re telling me that you’ll give me the information on these shipments in trade for faking some deaths?” Sheamus asked as a wide smile broke out onto his face. 

“That’s it. No tricks, no turning sides when your men are at the docks, just pure revenge.”

“You got a heart o’ stone on ya, don’t ya? I like the sound o’ that,” Sheamus said enthusiastically as he stood up to shake her hand. He put his arm around her waist as they exited the room, telling her, “Now let’s get some Guinness in ya and talk details with my men, yeah?”

Come the end of the week, Crystal was standing near the harbour’s entryway with her hands tucked in her pockets waiting for her father’s men to show up to be ambushed by O’Hare’s men. When a couple finally showed up, she asked them, “What the hell? You were supposed to be here a half hour ago! My father is not going to be pleased with you!”

“Sweetheart, we’ve been run ragged by your old man trying to finish selling from the last shipment, give us a break!” Donnelly snapped as he shoved past her. 

“And don’t plan on just standing here like you always do, you’re coming in with us. Since Mummy isn’t around to stop you from helping out anymore, your old man told us to have you tag along. In case things go bad. Rumor has it the Wellenelly men might be trying to get a piece of the action so he wants you nearby. Got it?”

“Got it,” she said, trying to hide the sudden fear in her voice. She told O’Hare’s men that she would be waiting at the entrance… What if this messes everything up?

As she followed the two men down the dock and heard a truck pulling up nearby to pick up the shipping crate, she hoped that at least one of the men tailing her heard so they could change the plan. She waited with baited breath as she followed the two men toward the designated ship that was bobbing in the water. The man standing near the ledge looked up and said in a hostile tone, “I thought there were only supposed to be two of you.”

“There was a change in personnel,” Donnelly told the man while reaching for a pen in his pocket. 

“I was told that I can only hand off the shipment if there were two men with your description. There wasn’t no girl on the roster!” he countered. 

“Well this here girl is the boss man’s daughter, so unless you want to take this up with Mr. Porter yourself and risk a bullet in the brain, I would-” He couldn’t finish his sentence though as out of seemingly nowhere, the butt of a gun came down hard on his temple.

Instinctively, Julianne told the second man to get down and went into a fighting stance before she felt a sharp knife press to her throat. She froze on the spot, eyes wide as she began pleading for her father’s worker to help. “You so much as think about using your freak powers and I’ll slit your throat faster than you can beg for Daddy’s help,” said the man holding her hostage. 

Before he could do anything though, there were three more O’Hare men on the scene, beating the two Porter men. Right before the second passed out from his injuries, the victor spit near his unmoving body and said, “You tell Porter that his shipment is ours and so is his whore daughter!” He turned his attention to the man holding Julianne and snapped, “Take care of her and make sure Porter knows not to mess with us from here on out!”

“What do you want me to do to her?” he asked with a smugness in his voice as he pressed the blade further into her skin, drawing blood. 

“Kill her for all I care!” the first man said before turning his attention to the man on the boat. 

“This is gonna hurt,” muttered the man holding Julianne as he took a swift swing at her temple that had her vision blacking out faster than she could process what was happening. 

By the time she came to, Julianne was in what seemed like an abandoned hotel with blood smeared all over her body, clothes, and hair. The smell was horrendous and she tried not to gag as she sat up from her position on the floor. “Oh you’re awake, finally. I didn’t think you were going to come to,” came a woman’s voice from behind a camera nearby. “Go on, you can get up, we just finished taking all the photos we needed to send to your father.”

“God, what is that smell?” Julianne asked as she stood up and looked at what seemed to be a brutal crime scene. 

“Sheep’s blood. The fake shit they use for theatre wasn’t gonna cut it, so I got some real blood. Hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t guess I had a choice, did I?” she asked as she caught the towel the woman tossed her. 

She took a quick shower to wash off the blood and emerged feeling refreshed. As she looked at herself through the fogged up mirror, Julianne shook her head and grabbed the scissors she brought with her into the bathroom and began cutting her long hair. Once she got her hair looking neat enough resting on her shoulders, she emerged from the bathroom to meet with the woman again. 

“Nice cut, but you missed a few spots,” the woman said with a light laugh as she took the scissors from Julianne and tidied the haircut up. As she finished up, she added, “You don’t have much time before you need to get out of the country, are your arrangements ready?” 

Julianne nodded, checking her watch as she told her, “Flight’s in three hours. Red eye to the States.” She paused for a moment, telling the woman, “Thank you guys…”

“Thank you,” the woman said with a small smile on her lips. She paused for a second before saying, “Once you exit those doors, Julianne Porter will no longer exist. I hope you know what you’re doing. And when you get there, cover up that God-awful paperboy hat tattoo if you know what’s good for you.”

“Don’t worry, I can handle myself. My mother raised me right,” she replied as she exited the building with her sunglasses on and hood pulled over her head. 

“Miss Shaw?” came a voice as she felt a tapping on her shoulder, rousing her from her slumber. She made a noise of discontent as she stirred awake, her joints aching from sitting for so long. “Miss Shaw, we landed in New York. We’re deplaning now.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” she replied in a groggy voice as she stood up and grabbed her carry on from the overhead bin. 

As she walked out of the plane and through the airport, Julianne suddenly felt a weight lift off her shoulders at the prospect of freedom ahead of her. She would no longer be under her father’s control. She would no longer have her every move tracked. She could have a life! Friends! A normal job! And all that began to happen as she stepped out of the doors of JFK and onto the New York streets, not as Julianne Porter, but as Crystal Shaw.

next chapter

[bastionbibi]

Question if it’s okay to ask: what is it that made Akai one of your favourites? Or at least someone that’s cool in your book

Man.... This is like asking why I love soup.  Ok, I'm not sure if I can stay coherent but I'll try, 

Ive been reading detco on and off since I was a was a wee child and even back then he was already one of my favorites because I like mystery, and he was the definition of that. 

And this way before the revelation that he was a good guy too. There was this moment of 'yeah, okay, this is it, he's the one (that im not gonna be normal about)'. Specifically, I fell in love in that one scene where he met ran on a snowy night, something about that scene was just so striking, especially something about him that, despite how intimidating he sounded or looked, didn't set off any alarms in Ran, that was the point where I knew there's more to this character, and that I love him. 

On another lighter note. I like his shinigami aesthetic, his one liner and lack of facial expression, I like his lonewolf tendency, how weirdly dependable he is and yet, he's not, in any way shape or form, charming. 

Like that time where he confronted Gin for the first time, he could've told Jodie and Conan that he had a plan to elude the BO but he didn't, he acted alone, he's extremely slow to trust but when he does, he pledge to them his true loyalty. I mean, Conan was just a child in his eyes (even though now he knows him as Shinichi), and yet since he decided to trust him, he never dismissed his words or treat him like a liability despite his 'age'. 

When he trust people, he cherished them in his own ways, and that's what I find commendable. 

He's ANNOYING. An asshole 75% of the time, we never got more backstory about him and Akemi because I refuse to believe this man with the personality as hard to love as the taste of blue cheese could land not 1 but 2 amazing ladies like cmon now. I hate how he treated Jodie but I have no doubt he would take a bullet for her if need be, I guess that’s why Jodie still likes him too to a degree but he didnt deserve her tbh (<- says the girl who will still reblog redstarling fanart whenever it crosses my dash). 

The same can be applied to his ‘rivalry’ with Rei, it doesn't matter what his true reason was, he decided that night, when he was holding the bleeding gun of a man he failed to save, he would keep the truth away from Rei and he stick by that decision till now, Rei did everything in his power to literally hunt him down over a misunderstanding and he didn't care, come hell and high waters and he will still keep Rei away from the truth because that's what he decided to do and he keeps his promises, especially ones made to himself. 

I suppose I like him because outside of 'work', while he keeps people on a distance, you don't have to second guess on where you stand, there's a sort of ease in that. 

As the story progresses, we get to see reasons as to why he ended up this way and that was pretty entertaining, seeing how affectionate he can be to his siblings and what happened in his past to make him go the extreme lengths of being an agent to another country and infiltrating a deadly organization etc, it fleshes him out, it makes me excited to see where he'll end up next. 

Also, he looks kinda handsome ngl 

ON ANOTHER NOTE!! He's also just- Really weird?? 

Like ok, sure, he faked his death like one would do but he came back from the grave as a guy 5 years younger with pink hair that's taking his masters?? Hello???? Has he even been to college before like I legit wonder if he knows how hellish a masters program is AND, I know this is based on a situation that's out of his control, out of all the personalities he can embody, he chose to be a milfy malewife who's always ready to babysit others?? Dedication to the bit is unmatched. 

(Also bc i hc him as conans dad and made a whole series about it, thats fun!)

(Anyway if youre in the gc dont u dare call me a simp i am not . ) 

[crystalsnow95z]

Hoseok with a nasty cold but he tries to hide it and stifles his sneezes

Okay okay this is the third time I restarted this.. I know what I want but I'm struggling to write it. >.<

I'm semi happy with it, but I'll let you guys decide if it's good..

"Hehitch...!" J-hope sits up, looking around the room trying to find what woke him. "Hehtichih!" Another sneeze gave him his answer. He started feeling sick yesterday,sniffling thoughout practice,running out of energy halfway through. Luckily over the music the others didn't notice.

It's gotten worse..

J-hope sighs, looking for a tissue to blow his nose. "It wasn't this bad yesterday..this isn't good, we're doing the jacket shoot today.."

He blows his nose, only irritating it further, the itch returning. "Hehitchugh..." J-hope wipes his nose with the tissue, checking the time.

It's only 4:40.. I don't have to be up to go until 6..

J-hope gets up as quietly as he can, searching for medicine, but his search comes up empty. He sighs. Guess I'm going to the store..

He still felt exhausted, but the sooner he took care of it, the better. He bundled up warmly despite it being late spring, putting on a fuzzy sweater, blue jeans, and a white beanie.

"Where are you going...?"

J-hope jumps when he hears the sleepy voice of Jimin blinking up at him slowly from his bed.

"I can't sleep.. I'm nervous about the shoot, so I was going to go for a walk to clear my head.." J-hope keeps his voice soft to try to hide the congested sound, and thankfully, it worked.

Jimin turns over. "Okay.. be careful.." he replies with a yawn, sleepiness taking over his words coming out slow as he driftd off again. "Don't tire yourself out. We'll be working all day.."

"I won't." J-hope quickly leaves the room when he feels a tickle in his throat, waiting until he leaves the building to cough.

That was close..

J-hope hardly makes it around the block before he feels the irritated itch in his nose return.

"Heh'heh..Hetchxih!" J-hope sneezes, nearly falling forward. How am I going to hide this from the others...? They can't do the shoot without me and the album will get delayed if we don't have the photoshoot..

J-hope attempts to get back to bed without waking Jimin, but another itch appears. "Heh..heh..." He pinches the bridge of his nose, holding his breath to try to stop the sneeze from coming. He sighs in relief when the feeling disappeared crawling into his bed.

"Hm? What was that..?" Jimin sits up, rubbing his eyes seeing that his roommate returned. "Oh..it's you hyungie..Did you say something?"

"No. I just yawned." J-hope lies. "I'm tired now that i walked the nerves off.."

"That was a weird yawn.. what time is it?" Jimin asks, searching for his phone, accidently knocking it to the floor when he slides his hand across the bed to find it.

Sh*t, don't be awake now..

"We still have an hour until the alarm.. I'm gonna to lay down and sleep." J-hope wanted to avoid conversation.. at least until the medicine kicked in."You should sleep more too. It'll be a long shoot today.."

"Alright.. rest well.." Jimin yawns, laying back down.

J-hope covers his face with a pillow when the itch returns, the edge of his nose twitching. The pressure was building, causing a headache but he couldn't let Jimin know he wasnt feeling well..not until after the photo shoot.

The sneeze escaped against his will, muffled by the pillow, but still coming out as a squeak. "Hehitdyh!"

"Hyung..?" Jimin looks in the direction of J-hope, but the rapper pretends to be asleep, already knowing the question he'd ask. "That was fast..." He turns over, not wanting to 'wake' him.

This is gonna he a long day..

J-hope looks in the mirror, grimacing at his reflection. His nose was noticeably red, especially underneath his nostrils from them dripping. He winces when he touches the irritated area, trying to cover it with makeup, swearing under his breath. "It's not working.."

"Hoba are you almost finished? We need to leave in five minutes." Yoongi calls to him from outside the door.

"I'm almost done!" J-hope stifles a cough, quickly adding a layer of makeup to try to make his cover-up job less obvious. "Finished."

"Staff is going to do your make up for the shoot.." Yoongi thought it odd that J-hope would go through the trouble.

"Ah, I know.. I'm just breaking out from that fried chicken we ate last night, so I was feeling self-conscious.." J-hope lies, taking Yoongi's hand. "Let's go we don't want to keep staff waiting." He pulls him, not giving him time to think. He knew Yoongi could see right through him if their eyes met.

Everyone piled into the van, J-hope pressing his lips together tightly to surpress a cough. "Are you excited for the shoot Koo?" He gets the conversation going, hoping that would be enough to hide how poorly he felt.

"Where's the shoot gonna be again?" Jungkook asks, eyes shining with both excitement and curiosity.

"There's going to be two locations. An abandoned building that staff put a few sets in and by a lake." Namjoon explains.

" It's been forever since we shot outside." Taehyung smiles brightly, sharing Jungkook's excitement. "Which one first?"

"The building will be first because we want that natural light since there's hardly any power. " Yoongi replies next. "Didn't you pay attention during the meeting?"

Jungkook looks out the window, not wanting to reply getting a giggle out of J-hope.

"You should pay more attention." Jin scolds playfully.

"I knew there were going to be lake shots but I didn't know if it would be a real lake or just a built set like when we did Stay Gold." Jungkook says defensively.

"We're doing shots in the water." Namjoon explains. "They rented a place for us, and they're decorating it. We're actually going to do a few scenes for the music video while we're there."

This is going to take longer than I thought..

J-hope rubs his finger underneath his nose to try to stop the itch that formed underneath it, holding his breath. He was glad everyone was busy talking about work that they didn't notice him. He completely tuned them out, resting his elbow on the doorframe to look like he's just resting face on his hand.

"They want to do a few underwater shots with Me, Taehyungie and Hope."

J-hope quickly turns to Namjoon when he hears Namjoon add him to the list. "Wha...itchiz!" He sneezes.

"Bless you hyung." Jimin says politely.

"You and Jungkook are going to pull Taehyungie out of the water. Hoba, you agreed already. Why are you surprised?" Namjoon questions. J-hope was usually so serious when it came to their work, it took him off guard for him to forget something like that.

"Ah, I just thought we were doing it next week when we do the actual music video." J-hope tries to cover for his mind slip. How could he forget such an important detail.

"We made some last-minute changes because the weather is going to be bad next week." Namjoon tells him. "You were in your vocal lesson late.."

"Do you want me to do it for you hyung? You don't sound like you want to.." Jungkook offers.

"It has to be Hoba or it messes up the mini story in the music video.."

"It's fine, Jaykay. I don't mind it." J-hope smiles brightly to hide his concern about getting drenched when he was already feeling awful."I'll do it. I'm just feeling lazy today. I stayed up too late and got up too early."

"You want to sleep a little? You can lean on me if you want.." Yoongi offers, patting his shoulder. "We already ate fried food last night, so your cheeks will be puffy no matter what."

J-hope takes up the offer smiling to hear Yoongi trying to give him no excuse not to rest, it was getting harder to keep his voice sounding normal, and if he stays quiet for too long, they'll worry about him. "Thanks, hyung.."

Yoongi takes off the baseball cap he was wearing, placing it gently over J-hope's face to block out the sun. "No problem."

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, everyone in the van whispering to not disturb him.

"Do you think he's really okay?" Jin asks, watching the soft rise and fall of J-hope's abdomen. "He sounds a little congested.."

"He kept leaving the room last night, and he said he was nervous this morning. It's been a while since we did a project this big..let's try to finish up quickly.." Jimin wasn't sure if he really was okay, but he at least wanted to tell the others what he knew. "Let's just keep an eye on him.."

"Hoba..Hoba wake up we're here." Yoongi gently raises his shoulder, waking up the usually cheerful rapper.

How could I feel worse after resting?

J-hope groggily sits up, rubbing his eyes. His head went from a dull ache to a pounding throb that got worse with every movement. " 'm up.." His voice comes out in a hoarse whisper.

"Are you okay, Hoba?" Jin asks, watching his stiff movement with concern.

J-hope clears his throat to try to speak louder. "My throats dry, I need some water."

Jungkook digs into his backpack to find a waterbottle, passing it to him. "Here Hobi-hyung."

"Thanks Jeykay.." j-hope stifles a sneeze, the pressure building up in his nose.

"Are you okay Hoba?" Yoongi notices J-hope's eyes watering from the pressure, but the younger rapper waves it off.

"I'm just still tired. That's all. I'll be okay. Let's get going. We're wasting daylight.." J-hope gets out, the others following behind him. He takes a swig of water, trying to ease the pain.

"This way Hoseok-ah.."Jin takes his hand when he sees J-hope walk the wrong direction clearly still half asleep, leading him to the changing trailer.

"Sorry Hyung." J-hope blushes lightly in embarrassment. "I guess I'm still not awake."

"It's okay. You'll wake up as you move around. Here, this one's your outfit." Jin gives him his outfit. "You need help?"

"No, I can dress myself." J-hope takes it, turning away from him when he feels another sneeze coming, quickly pulling his shirt over his head to hide his face, breath hitching. "Heh..heh..." He managed to stop the sneeze from coming, sighing softly. "These outfits remind me of the most beautiful moment photoshoot.." J-hope points out, trying to cover up his discomfort. "Like..uh..the I need U outfit mixed with Run."

"Yeah especially my jeans." Yoongi says rubbing his bare knee. "It's gonna suck for you guys in the water. Are you sure you're feeling up to it Hoba?"

"Yeah, yeah I think I'm getting a little cold.. Staff has hair dryers I'll just ask them to dry my hair as soon as possible." J-hope couldn't lie to Yoongi, not fully. "I can do this."

"Hopefully we can get it right in one shot." Jungkook felt his stomach tightening with nerves. If I mess up the shot Hobi-hyung will have to stay in the water longer and get worse..

Taehyung hugs Jungkook from behind when he notices the tension in his shoulders. "Don't worry Gukkie. We'll do our best. I don't think we'll need to do more than two takes."

"I'll do my best." Jungkook gives a small smile, leaning his head into Taehyung’s cheek, to fear still gnawed at his belly. Taehyungie-hyungie has done underwater shots before.. he has more confidence than me.. I don't know if I can get a good shot..

"We're doing the photos first. Concentrate on those right now. Don't worry about the filming.." Jin tells him.

"Right." Jungkook goes to his Noona to get his makeup done, keeping one eye on j-hope while he gets scolded for adding so much makeup this morning.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry.." J-hope bows his head while she gets some wipes, trying to uncake the concealer that covered his reddened nose.

"It's okay, I'll get you taken care of. Just remember not to overdo it next time." She tells him in a soft tone, noticing the redness of his nose, realizing what he was trying to do.

J-hope feels his nostrils flair, another sneeze building when she removes the makeup from his upper lip, quickly spinning the chair to face away from her. "Hehtichih!"

"I'm sorry Hoseok-ssii, I didn't mean to tickle your nose." She bows in apology when he spins back to face her.

"It's okay." He fights the urge to sniffle,rubbing his nose with the side of his fist.

"Taehyung-ssii come back so I can finish your make up." Staff calls to him.

"Coming!" He calls back, quickly whispering. "We'll take care of Hobi-hyung, but it's better to let him think we aren't that worried."

Jungkook nods, going to staff to get his own make up done. Hyung doesn't like making us worry..

"Oh wow.. look they made a path of flowers.." Jungkook runs to the path, careful to keep his feet in the small gaps staff made them to walk through. "Ah.. heh..heh'itch!" He sneezes covering up his face. "Ugh..I'll need to take some allergy medicine before we pose with the flo..heh..itchi!"

"You didn't take some before you decided to charge towards them?" Namjoon goes to get Jungkook away from the flowers, but Yoongi stops him. "I'll get him. Jungkook-ah you need to be more careful of your health.." he gently moves towards him, grabbing his elbow to lead him back to the trailer.

"Heh.." j-hope clamps his hand over his nose to stop the sneeze, eyes watering.

"You okay Hoba?" Namjoon asks rubbing his back. "Do you need some medicine too?"

"I just took some." J-hope tells him. It wasn't a complete lie, but he still felt his heart ache to lie to him.

"Well, it should kick in soon. Just hang in there." Namjoon goes to staff for instructions, them starting the shoot, choosing to pose with the flowers second to last, giving Jungkooks medicine time to kick in.

J-hope stifles another sneeze, his face screwing up running yet another photo. "Sh*t.. sorry.. the sun got in my eyes.." he makes another excuse, but he knew they were onto him. There's no way they weren't with how many photos he ruined with the persistent itch and constant sniffling to try to keep his nose from dripping.

"It's okay Hoba. That's why we take thousands of photos. I'm sure the first few came out fine." Jin comforts J-hope. It's only been an hour and a half since they started the shoot, but Jin could see his energy already draining.

J-hope goes to monitor the photoshoot, feeling his heart sink when he sees he's ruined a quarter of the photos with him trying to stifle his sneezes and prevent his nose from leaking. At least they did an amazing job hiding the redness. You can't even tell I'm sick in the photos..

"There's still plenty of shots to work with. Don't worry about it hyungie." Jimin hugs him from behind.

"Let's do the mankae line shoot next. I need to use the restroom." Yoongi makes an excuse so J-hope could take a break.

"I gotta go too. After that we can do the vocal line shots." Jin was quick to pick up what Yoongi was up to, but J-hope wasn't. He was just happy to be able to take time to blow his nose and ask staff if they had any cough drops and pain relievers.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get some water for us." J-hope quickly walks away from the others, letting out a phlegm filled cough. He spits, into the grass, grimacing at the yellow coloration. "Why am I getting worse...?"

"Alright Taehyung-ssi will go into the water first, count to five before going in after him. Understood?" The director tells them. Taehyung and Jungkook nod, but J-hope was zoned out, eyes focused on the lake.

"Hoseok-ssi did you hear me?" He prompts J-hope to respond, j-hope looking at him when he hears his name.

"Huh? Ah.. I'm sorry..could you say that again?" J-hope bows, sniffling as softly as possible. His body ached, his head felt like it was splitting and now his nose and throat both had a persistent itch that made it hard to breathe. I made it this far.. It's just one more shot..

"Wait for Taehyung-sii starts sinking under the water before diving in to get him, and please be mindful where the cameras are. Don't pull him up too quickly, we want to be sure the shot comes out clearly but you need to move quickly to reach him. We can speed it up after if needed. " The director tells him with a sympathy,wanting to make it usable in the first take so he didn't have to spend too much time in the water.

"Understood. Swim fast when he jumps move slow to pull him up" J-hope nodded, eyes watering as his nose twitches, another sneeze threatening to come. "Heh.. heh..itchisg!"

"I think we should do this another day. You need to time this perfectly or Taehyung will be in danger." Namjoon felt anxious about both J-hopes health and Taehyungs safety.

"I'm okay. There's no way I'll let Taehyung be in real danger and we have staff on stand by in case anything happens. Joon i got this." I got to finish this..after filming this scene I can get dry and sleep in the car while we drive to the next location..

"But Hobi-"

"Please Namjoonah, I can do it."

Taehyung took a deep breath, jumping from the small boat and into the water, letting go of his breath when he hears the signal from staff, air bubbles filling the water. He allowed his body to sink, having full trust that Jungkook and J-hope would pull him out before he was in danger.

"He's in the water. We need to get to him." Jungkook knew Taehyung was the best at holding his breath out of all the members, but he was emptying his lungs so he could properly sink. He pulled J-hope into the water, the shock of cold completely waking him up.

Sh*t.. it's freezing..

J-hope tried to swim as quickly as Jungkook, but he didn't have the stamina. He knew of he used all his energy he wouldn't be able to pull Taehyung out.

Jungkook noticed him falling behind, stopping right before he was in sight of the camera. He could see Taehyung sinking. He's falling too fast.. I don't know if hyung have the energy to make it back up of he goes to far.

J-hope felt it too, the realization that Taehyung was at risk of actually drowning. Taehyungie had a hand singal in case he felt like he was in danger, but what if he was already unconscious?

Adrenaline kicked in, giving him the strength he needed to push forward, quickly moving to grab one of Taehyung’s arms. Jungkook feels relief wash over him when J-hope caught up with him, following his lead to get Taehyung back to the boat.

Taehyung weighed practically nothing in the water, making it easy for the two boys to lead him to the surface. Jungkook gave Taehyungs arm a squeeze right before they reached the surface, the older vocalist taking in a small mouthful of water as planned.

J-hope bit the inside of his cheek, the painful pressure of a building sneeze filling his sinuses. No. No if I sneeze I'll ruin the shot..

Jungkook was pretending to try to shake Taehyung awake. "Hyung.. Hyung..!" He had fake panic in his voice as Taehyung lay motionless, fighting against the urge to spit out the lake water and fill up his lungs that screamed for air.

"Taehyungie!" J-hope adds in as soon as he successfully stopped his sneeze, doing chest compressions lightly. "Taehyungie you gotta breathe.." it wasn't hard to make his voice sound pained. He got close to Taehyung's lips, only a few centimeters away from his lips as he pretended to fill his lungs with air.

Taehyung waited for him to pull away before coughing up the lake water, quickly sitting up as it drizzled down his mouth. He was only supposed to pretend to cough it up, but he couldn't hold his breath any longer, accidentally gasping it in.

"Alright cut!"

The director called, staff quickly pulling the boat to the shore.

Jungkook rubbed Taehyung's back when he realized he wasn't faking, his cough continuing even after filming stopped.

"Taehyungie are you okay? Did we take too long to get you? I'm sorry..that was..was...heh..itxixh!" J-hope sneezes.

"I'm..I'm okay..I jus..swallowed the..water.. my fault.." Taehyung says between coughs.

J-hope went to speak, but instead he joins Taehyung in his coughing fit, hacking up more thick mucus. He couldn't fight it anymore. He was sick and everyone knew it.

Staff quickly got the three boys out of the boat, wrapping each of them in a large towel. "J-hope are you okay?"

"I..i..don't feel well.." j-hope finally admits it, his knees giving in. His vision became hazy, the edges of everything softening.

"Get him in the trailer. We need to get him dry as soon as possible." Yoongi orders in a panic

Namjoon picks up J-hope, cradling him to his chest. "I shouldn't have let you do the shoot.."

J-hopes eyes widen when he feels his feet leave the ground, he wanted to tell him he could walk on his own, but he knew it was a lie. Right when the coughing started to slow, the itch switched to his nose, releasing the sneezes he wouldn't let come. "Heh..heitchi..Hehtifxtch!..heh..hegiixch!"

Namjoon sets him down, getting the hair dryer himself to try to prevent J-hope from getting any worse.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I ruined the album.. it's gonna be late because..because of me.." J-hope's emotions overflowed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Hobi.. hobi no you didn't ruin anything. Don't cry..it's not your fault." Jin says wiping J-hopes cheeks. "You can't help it if you're sick. I'm sure we can get it out on time even with a minor set back and if we can't Army will understand." He tries to comfort J-hope, hugging him close.

"You..you think so..to..finish on..on time?" J-hope sniffles, triggering another sneeze right into Jin's chest. "Heh'itchii..ah..I'm sorry Hyung.. I'm sorry.."

Jimin hands him a tissue. "Here Hyung. Wipe your nose.. we'll get you taken care of. Okay?"

J-hope blows his nose. "I..I've been really close to..to everyone all..all day..with..without a mask.. everyone's gonna get sick beb..because of me.." J-hope's voice breaks off into a soft whimper.

Namjoon starts blow drying his hair. "Don't worry about that right now. Not everyone's gonna get sick."

"Hyungie don't cry.." Jungkook tries talking over the hair dryers. "I won't get sick and even if I do there's an equal chance it's from the lake."

" Hey.. hey.. what did one ocean say to the other?" Jin asks in English.

"What?" J-hope asks, perplexed by his sudden change in languages. "Now isn't..the time for riddles.."

"You only say that because you don't know the answer. A little one told me this one when we were in America. Come on. Guess.." Jin encourages him to try.

J-hope takes a deep breath. How am I supposed to answer English word play? My English isn't that good.

Jin smiles when he sees J-hopes mind focus on his joke instead of his cold and the album. "Think of ocean words."

"Fish, sand,sea sh..heh..hehitchsghi!" J-hope groans. "That one hurt.."

"It sounds like it did.. but hey.. look. You stopped crying." Jin says wiping the drying tears from his cheeks.

"Oh..you're right.. thanks Hyung.. and thanks Joon-ah..I'm sorry i didn't tell you guys how bad I felt.. I just wanted to get the shoot done.. it wasn't so bad this mor..." J-hope's cough cuts off the word.

"You should've told me anyway.. your health is more important.." Jin scolds him. "An extra month won't be the end of the world. I'll tell them myself we need to put the album on hold. Hyung will handle it. Okay?"

J-hope's only reply is a sneeze.

"So you want to know the answer to the riddle?" Jin asks.

J-hope nods, another sneeze coming. "Hehtichugh.."

"It didn't say anything. It only waved." Jin laughs at his own joke, earning himself an eye roll from J-hope.

"There.. your hair is dry.. let's get you to a doctor okay?" Namjoon said it as a question, but he had no intention of letting him say no.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Reworking Cheren's team for the Legendverse! Mainly in movests. Gonna try and explain my mindset here and maybe realize some things along the way.

One thing that I'm realizing about Cheren is how much he tries to go for Big Damage when he sees it necessary. For example, his gigalith having stone edge, when it would be preferable to honestly have rock slide. It's Big Damage, even if there's a greater chance to miss. Even pokemon that would probably be better at a different thing all kinds ends up focusing on damage. Now, me being me, I want to diversify this a bit, while trying to keep things Cheren.

Liepard: As a lead, anyway. I would have given it more support moves, but again, it would kinda conflict with the gimmick it has set up. Use item, activate unburden, damage. I still ended up giving it thunder wave, mainly for the slower members of the team. I was thinking of adding u-turn for longevity despite the strat, but for now I'll just keep it ( mostly) as is. I will say maybe I shouldn't have given it the focus sash given how frail Liepard is.....but Cheren is kinda the berry guy. I can see him doing either or. Anything to activate unburden.

Serperior: Was supposed to be last but whatever. I. Do not understand why Cheren gave a focus sash to a bulky pokemon. I get it's a grass type but it's not frail. Leaf Storm in the og team movests is a perfect example of Cheren wanting Big Damage, and honestly when I think about it, it's not even that bad. Serperiors special attack is pretty identical to its physical I think. So it's alright to have one big leaf Storm with a primarily physical attack set. That being said, I am biased, so I changed it lol. Leech seed + leftovers for heath recovery. Coil and leaf blade for damage. Protect just to be annoying. Though, I kinda miss dragon tail. Dragon tail and stealth rocks are a wicked combo. Though I guess it would be null if Serperior is the last one standing? I might change this, might not. I did grow an appreciation for his og set though. Minus the focus sash. I just think that's stupid.

Unfeazant: I don't like Unfeazant but I couldn't think of anything else plus someone pointed out that Cheren uses a lot of early route pokemon despite his so called competitive mind and that changed my brain chemistry forever. I still think Unfeazant sucks. Maybe one day I will eat those words but that day is not today. Ahem. Anyway, Big Damage. Kinda. I truthfully never fully got why Facade was on Unfeazant for both Cheren and Hugh. Return is right there. I get not for Cheren bc Bianca's pokemon all have return on them, but Hugh? Okay. ANYWAY. I kept u-turn bc it's u-turn. Good for scouting and Unfeazant is fast enough to quickly go in and out. I kinda gave it a mixed set? Even if it's pretty impractical but I think that's the theme with Cheren here. I feel like Unfeazant is like. Supposed to be a nip, you know? Do chip damage and then come back with Big Damage in air slash and heat wave ( I should probably should ev that thing better). I was tempted to just make Unfeazant just a pure physical attacker, but a more special set could be interesting.

Simipour: The funny monkey. In general, I don't like the elemental monkeys all that much. I'm not a hater, I used one before, and I had fun. Still I felt outside of you know. The player, Bianca and Cheren having an elemental monkey, it didn't really fit Cheren to me. And it still doesn't. But the juxtaposition of Cheren and this smiling water monkey is funny. That and what I said before with Unfeazant. Another mixed attacker! Though I think Simipour is more qualified for that than Unfeazant. Scald used to be on its movest before being replaced with Surf. And I get it. I literally said that Cheren likes his big Damage. Surf is Big Damage ( outside of hydro pump but I don't like low accurate moves). Buuuuut scald is such a good move man. And it's holding a mystic water and has same type attack bonus and can burn. Cheren is a smart kid, I think he'd like his pokemon to have that. Also it'll be make Haxorus funnier. Low kick is an odd choice admittedly. I. Forgot brick break existed. I'll change that after this post hgvhvgvgvcg. Knock off is to be annoying :)

Gigalith: 1) Leftovers in it wasn't bad, but I didn't want to type multiple pokemon it so. Rip 2) I was thinking of giving it a custap berry, but decided against it. 3) Onto the actual moves. Gigalith in the og movest was the definition of Big Damage. Stone Edge, Earthquake, Giga Impact - Biiiiig Damage. Which is fair! The only thing I really changed was Body Press in replacement of giga impact. Though I don't think body press was in gen 5. I used the nat dex of gen 9 for this btw. So honestly if I wanted to be faithful to the gen 5 format I probably would have kept giga impact and just change the item. Oh! And I think it would be cute if Cheren met gigalith early on. I think it would be cute.

Haxorus: When. When you need someone to use surf but you can't don't feel like changing your pokemon movests so you fucking give it to the pokemon that should not be running surf. Yes, I know there reusable tms in gen 5, yes I know I just called Cheren smart, he is, but I just think it's too funny to pass up. If I ever go back in this, surf with be replaced with swords dance. Actually going back to the previous point: wouldn't it be funny if Haxorus was an hm user before this. It can learn cut, surf and strength. And Cheren looked at the options and went " yeah I'll keep surf, for practicality" EVEN THOUGH HIS SIMIPOUR IS RIGHT THERE. I mean. I guess Simipour isn't the best pokemon to ride on for surfing. Haxorus is bigger I think. But still! It's funny! Anyway, I gave it the salac berry so it can out speed opponents when given the chance.

Volcarona: A gift from Alder I think. Either that or Cheren found it on his own time, and it reminded him of alder. Either way I think it's cute. Standard Volcarona set. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of its signature move sorry.

Carracosta: I think Cheren would have gotten one during his time training under Lenora I think. Also I keep giving Cheren mixed attackers. I don't need to keep doing that, wadda hell. ANYWAY, I think this is what you expect from a Carracosta. I think it would be cute if Cheren's Carracosta and Marlon's Carracosta were buddies :3

I didn't add the reuniclus only bc I'm still thinking about it. Cheren's gym pokemon are fine to me. That and I'm lazy.

So yeah! I'll probably tweak the movests more but this is what I got!

[heart-of-roses-and-quartz]

Voice Lines~

VA Headcanon: Sean Chiplock

Specifically something like his voice for Revail in BOTW

First Meeting: "Hmph. Call me Rose Quartz. One of the Stonehearts of the IPC. I won't be sticking around you long, so don't get too attached."

Greeting: "What? Don't tell me you're about to drag me into something."

Parting: "You’re leaving now? Good. Maybe we'll cross paths again, maybe we won't."

About Self, Prosthetics: "Huh? My limbs...? Ah. Right. You probably haven't seen many people like me. Ah-! Be careful, you-! Ugh...don't just touch them like that. They're...they were expensive, you know? *sigh*....at least warn me first."

About Self, Albinism: "Hm? My eyes? Yes, I've got Albinism. What of it? *sigh* Yes, I'm more sensitive to light than normal people. *long sigh* No, I'm not a vampire. And no, we are not going to test that! Ugh..."

Chat, IPC: "The IPC...? You know I can't just divulge secrets, even if we're...friends, I suppose. Huh? My opinion...? Well, I don't exactly have any strong opinions. The IPC keeps commerce flowing and keeps dangerous criminals from terrorizing planets. My opinion stops there."

Chat, Hair Color: "Ugh...I'm gonna have to dye my hair again. I have time take care I don't stain my bathroom again...huh? What do you mean you thought this was my natural color?"

Hobbies: "Hobbies? Well...I guess you could say that makeup is a hobby of mine. I pride myself on my eye makeup, if you couldn't tell— hey! Don't touch! It took me hours to do it this morning!"

Annoyances: "If you tell anyone I told you this, I'll end you, but...I'm actually very afraid of pinching someone with my joints...huh? I...suppose you can try and hold my hand. Just...be careful, please."

Something To Share: "Ah- ah- *achoo!* Ugh...have you been playing with Miss Ruan Mei's cat cakes again...? Why? Ugh...I'm a bit allergic. Wh- don't laugh!! Rude..."

Something To Share, Pyrophobia: "I'll admit, the sight of fire makes me anxious...huh? Yes, I know I use the powers of Fire, you don't need to remind me. It's...it's complicated."

Knowledge: "I'm actually very skilled at repairing mechanical things. Oh? Don't believe me? Watch. ...aha! See? And just like that, I've detached my hand from my arm. And with this...there. It's back. Didn't I make that look easy?"

About Aventurine: "Ah. Him. An impulsive gambler, a thrill seeker, a smug little...hmph. *sigh* Despite that, we're...actually good friends, if you can believe it. He's...he's not half bad. Wh- what's the look for?"

About Topaz: "Admittedly I haven't had many interactions with her just yet. But she seems to be good at her job, I suppose..."

About Jade: "She's...interesting. Whatever deal she tries to make with you, do be careful; there's always a price to pay with her. Hmph...I should know."

About Dr. Ratio: "The doctor from the Intelligentsia Guild...at first, he seemed unapproachable. However...he's not so bad once you get to know him. And...he's got an adorable little smile...

About Ahanon/Blythe: "That young Fool? They're an interesting one. They practically have Aventurine wrapped around their finger...but they're not a pain to be around, I suppose. Kinda fun, actually."

Added to Team With Trailblazer: "Ah, there you are. I suppose we'll be off on an adventure today?"

Added to Team With Aventurine: "Aventurine. Don't try to gamble with our fates today, yes? *soft chuckle*"

Added to Team With Dr. Ratio: "Ah, Doctor, a bit of a surprise to see you. A pleasant one, though."

Added to Team With Topaz: "Miss Topaz, please don't hesitate to call for my help if you need."

Added to Team With Jade: "Miss Jade? My, my...is there something terribly wrong?"

Added to Team with Ahanon/Blythe: "Oh? Little Mask, funny to see you here. Do be careful. Aventurine would have my head if you got hurt on my watch..."

[kay-wren]

I'll Come Running - R.C. - Chapter 48

"See, babe, don't you feel better already?" Jessie asked with an innocent smile on her face as she floated freely on the opposite side of Rafe in the hot tub. By now they both had their drink of choice in one hand and a joint in the other.

"Yeah... I guess I do." Rafe said with a smile on his face that indicated he was too high to worry about what this could mean for either of them. Both of them were so far gone they didn't care either way, and that's exactly how they liked it.

"It's just like we're kids again... only now we don't have parents to hide from." Jessie giggled as she kicked her head back to rest on the ledge.

"Yeah, but... now we have a daughter that we have to call tonight..." Rafe trailed off as both him and his wife came to the same realization. Jessie slowly kicked her head back up and looked at Rafe with a shit eating grin. She eyed her drink.

"Yeah... so we should probably not have any more of these." Jessie stated as she rattled the can in her hand.

"I'm gonna say that's a good idea. We don't need to call our daughter and be totally shit faced." Rafe joked. Jessie laughed along with him in agreement. They both leaned back to relax further into the hot tub as a comfortable silence came between them. Despite Rafe's best efforts, he couldn't turn his mind off, forcing himself to ask another dreaded question.

"So.... Where are we going after this?" Rafe asked as he took another drag of his joint.

"What do you mean?" Jessie asked, unsure if he was referring to a physical destination or a desired mental state.

"Well we can't raise Charley in OBX. There are too many people that know too much about the both of us. I think we really need a fresh start."

Jessie realized that Rafe was referring to where they actually physically would go after this little vacation was over, and she was secretly grateful that that's all he was referring to.

"Well... we could go back to Manhattan. I know a thing or two about retreating there." Jessie only half joked with a smirk. Rafe picked up the joke and let out a slight chuckle as well. Despite his laughter he didn't totally hate the idea.

"It wouldn't be a bad place to take the business... I could keep everything here which would be a lot easier than having to move everything overseas." Rafe commented, truly trying to think this through and trying to stay focused despite the fact they were both too drunk and high for this serious of a conversation.

"And I think it'd be a lot easier for Charley, ya know, not having to move her to a totally different country." Jessie replied.

"Yeah... and I don't know that I totally trust the idea of moving her around the world. I mean, everything she knows is here... she's an American citizen and even if she's too young to remember I know that'd be a lot of change for everyone."

Jessie nodded her head in agreement.

"We technically still have a place to go there... a place where I'm confident nobody would ask questions." Jessie said as she mindlessly looked at the can in her hand. Despite Jessie's attempt to play it off, Rafe could tell she was holding back in her thoughts.

"You wanna go back don't you?"

Jessie didn't say anything, she only peeled her eyes away from her drink long enough to look over at her husband and shrug.

"For Maci and Tom... and for Charley... you know that's what she's used to. I don't blame you, baby." Rafe responded in a quieter tone as he slipped over closer towards Jessie, the blunt still in between his fingers as he took one last drag before discarding of it. He looked at her and blew out the cloud of smoke. "If that's what you want... what you think is best... I'll take my girls wherever they wanna go."

"I really would just like to try it..." Jessie trailed off with a tinge of hope in her eyes, her words still seeming like more of a question than a statement. Rafe picked up on it.

"You don't have to convince me, darling. I'm ready if you are."

Jessie couldn't help but smile in response to her husband's words. But her joy was short lived when her mind began racing again.

"But... what about Wheezy?" Jessie asked. Rafe looked confused at the question, as he frowned and shrugged.

"What about Wheezy?" Rafe asked right back as if the question was stupid.

"Rafe..." Jessie scoffed with a cocky smile. "You act like you've never been on the run before..."

Rafe still wasn't understanding what the problem was, and that was clear when Jessie read the look on his face as if to say go on.

"Rafe... everyone thinks Wheezy is dead. If people find out she's alive then that opens the case of your dad and Rose back up and suddenly the PD's involved and asking questions... and we don't need questions."

Rafe finally understood what his wife was saying, and furrowed his brows in thought as he looked down at the bubbling water that was now being illuminated by the changing LED lights underneath. It was the only light they had considering the sun was almost gone.

"If Wheezy is in America she's gonna want a drivers license, she's gonna have to go to doctors appointments, and all these things require proof of residency... like a birth certificate."

"Or a death certificate...." Rafe replied with a numb stare into nothing. Jessie nodded her head slowly in agreement.

"Right... she can't stay here."

Jessie could see the wheels turning in Rafe's head, his signature move being the rapid shaking of his head and the spinning of his hands.

"W-well w-what did you do? I mean like... all those years ago when you just... disappeared." Rafe asked frantically, cautious not to pick at old wounds for either one of them.

"I wasn't dead to the rest of the world, I was just running away from a parent that didn't care where I went... it wasn't that hard. I just changed my number and address and only gave it to people that I trusted... but it's a lot easier when your dad doesn't even file a missing person's report on you..."

Rafe huffed in defeat, knowing that Jessie was right because Wheezy's situation was most certainly different.

"But hey..." Jessie interrupted as she moved closer to Rafe to straddle him, her hands finding his neck to wrap around. "None of this has to be decided tonight. In fact, none of it can be until we talk to the Pogues. They may have an even better plan." Jessie said with hope. Rafe just laughed and shook his head.

"You and I both know that even the two of us being drunk and high are still better adults than the four of them combined." Rafe replied through a chuckle as he looked up at Jessie.

"You really need to have more faith in them." Jessie half joked even though she totally found the allegation funny and slightly true at times. Rafe completely disregarded her statement, clearly bored of the conversation with his hands now roaming a little more than before, and his eyes turning slightly darker.

Rafe moved his gaze from Jessie's eyes down to her lips. Jessie took notice and moved her hands to cup Rafe's face and pull his head up closer to hers. Their lips finally connected, Rafe quickly deepening the kiss as his hands moved frantically around Jessie's torso, almost as if he was scared she was going to fade into a memory. Rafe finally found what he had been looking for: the perfectly tied bow of Jessie's bikini top. He was quick to grab a string and quickly pull it off, never breaking the kiss.

To his behest, he broke away from the kiss just long enough to pull the halter top off of Jessie, neither one of them breaking the smile on their faces. Jessie began to get handsy herself, which she knew was Rafe's weakness. She found her way to the crook of his neck, peppering kisses all over and being sure to hit the spot she knew he loved so much. Rafe leaned back and relaxed with a groan, just as she expected.

"Have you ever had sex in a hot tub before?" Rafe asked seductively. Jessie immediately laughed against his neck, knowing that her answer was about to throw him off his game.

"Yes." She simply stated, not even bothering to look at him. She didn't have to, she knew he was pulled out of his trance and could feel his neck physically retreat back in confusion and his body tense up in jealousy.

"Wait, what?"

Jessie shot her head up with a grin on her face, now finding her hands roaming his abs.

"Do you really not remember that weekend your family went on a trip and you wanted to stay home because you were 'sick'?"Jessie replied nonchalantly with air quotes around the last word. She could see him thinking back as hard as he could.

"We had sex in the hot tub?"

"Yes," Jessie giggled. "And you were too drunk to even finish. And that was the weekend I vowed to never have sex with you when you were that drunk ever again because that was the worst performance of your life." She said through laughs as she kicked her head back. Rafe still couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What do you mean?!" Rafe asked, this time way more interested and almost embarrassed. Jessie could see the tint of red on his cheeks as he smiled.

"Let's just say... you get really bad whiskey dick."

"Oh shut up!" Rafe immediately interrupted before Jessie could go any further. Through laughs he grabbed Jessie, who was still straddling him and walked her back inside. Neither one of them cared that they were wet, as Rafe slammed Jessie on the end of the bed, hovering over her to kiss her deeply, both his arms on each side of her. Rafe knew Jessie couldn't resist, as it was instinct for her to wrap her hands around Rafe's flexed biceps, always admiring how her arms could never get anywhere close to fitting around them. Jessie eventually stopped running her hands up and down her husband's arms and made her way to the string of his swim trunks, swiftly undoing the knot.

Before Jessie could take Rafe's trunks off all the way, they both felt the subtle vibration of her phone on the bed. Rafe groaned through the kiss. Jessie didn't stop.

"We'll get it later." Jessie whispered through kisses as she grabbed Rafe's face to keep him engaged. Rafe darted his eyes up just enough to see that JJ was calling, of course.

"It's JJ." Rafe grunted.

"He'll be fine." Jessie reiterated, now trying to pull Rafe on top of her to send a clear message. Rafe nodded his head against the kiss.

"Baby... what if... something's wrong..." Rafe said breathlessly through kisses. Jessie immediately broke away and grunted as she laid her head down on the bed in defeat. She knew she wasn't winning this one. Rafe just had to make sure everything was okay. She rolled her eyes as she watched Rafe reach over her to grab the phone. It was then that she remembered she was topless. Before Jessie could say or do anything she heard the click of the FaceTime.

"Hi baby doll!" Rafe said enthusiastically as he waved at the camera like a little kid. Jessie both loved and hated how quickly his demeanor changed when he saw his daughter through the phone.

"Hi daddy! W-Where's mommy?" Charley asked immediately. She sounded like she was right up against the phone. Sure enough, she was, and Jessie heard JJ in the background telling her kindly that she didn't have to be that close. She thought it was funny, but she didn't have time to laugh as Rafe looked over at his wife and realized that she was indisposed. Jessie immediately got off the bed and ran to the nearest duffle bag she could find-- that being Rafe's. She began to rummage through the clothes frantically as she heard Rafe try to come up with some excuse quickly.

"U-um, she's a little busy baby." Rafe replied sheepishly as he made sure to pan the camera away from his topless wife.

"Doing what?" Charley asked with innocence and a cocked head and furrowed brows. Rafe thought it was adorable how oblivious and how curious she was. He looked over at Jessie, who was frantically looking for one of his tshirts.

"She uh-uh, she's in the bathroom!" Rafe responded with an ah ha tone. Rafe could see JJ's face contorting in the background, and he could tell he was trying not to make a dirty joke.. or puke from the thought. "She'll be here in a second baby, but look at what's outside!" Rafe panned the camera over to the glass doors of their bedroom to reveal the rolling mountains... that Charley couldn't see because it was dark. Great thinking, Rafe.

As he stalled by showing his daughter the porch, Jessie continued to look for a shirt and wondered why the hell he had them buried at the bottom of his bag. Jessie finally was just pulling clothes out right and left, no longer caring about keeping them neat and tidy. She finally found a big black tshirt that was undoubtedly a little big for her and swung it over her head. It wasn't until she got the fabric over her that she looked down to see a little white bag of powder that must have been flung out onto the bed while she was rummaging through Rafe's clothes. She froze in place as she looked at what she knew was cocaine... Rafe's past drug of choice... and hers too. Her mind immediately filled with questions that she needed answers to. Was he using again? Is that what made him so volatile that one day in the island room? If he's not using why did he have it? Where'd he get it? Maybe it was leftover from a long time ago and just happened to be lost in his luggage? Jessie didn't have time to think anymore, as she could hear her daughter getting restless.

Rafe finally had to turn the phone back around, making sure she was dressed.

"Alright, alright! Here's mommy." Rafe said almost through annoyance. He secretly wished to have more time with his daughter, but she clearly had one thing on her mind.

Jessie scurried over to the phone, adjusting her shirt on the way.

"Hi baby! How are you?" Jessie asked through excitement. Before Charley could even respond, JJ butted in from behind. It was then that Jessie realized Charley was sitting comfortably on her uncles lap while he held the phone for her.

"Hey fix your hair, the children are watching."

Jessie had no words, instead she immediately patted down her hair and looked at Rafe with a tinge of embarrassment. JJ could hear them both laughing through the other end of the phone. He was genuinely disgusted at the thought of interrupting the two of them, but he almost could've bet money it was going to happen this weekend.

"Mommy why's your hair all messy?" Charley screamed through the phone as she leaned in closer again. JJ once again corrected her and let her know that she didn't need to scream for her mom and dad to hear her. She giggled as she backed away from the phone and close to JJ's chest waiting for an answer.

"Uh-uh..." Jessie stammered with a dumb smile as she looked back over at her husband. "Mommy was... playing!" That was all Jessie could come up with in the moment.

"Playing! Playing what?!" Charley asked innocently with eyes that showed she was hanging onto every word. Before Jessie or Rafe could answer JJ decided to interrupt again.

"Oh god, okay, ya know what? How about you tell mommy and daddy what you did today?" JJ asked with a hopeful tone, really just hoping to change the subject that Charley had no idea she was feeding into. The little girl suddenly gasped as she remembered what she did.

"Oh! Mommy! Uncle JJ took me fitchin!" Charley replied with enthusiasm in broken English. Thankfully, Jessie knew exactly what she was saying.

"You went fishin?! That sounds like fun! Did you catch anything?" Jessie asked as she felt Rafe's strong arms wrap around her and his head set comfortably on her shoulder so both of them could be in view.

"Nooooo, but uncle JJ did!"

"Well how fun, sweetheart. Have you eaten?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah," JJ interrupted. "We had some grilled cheeses and ice cream floats. She's had a bath and that corona in her bottle should put her right to sleep!"

"JJ?!" Rafe butted in, about ready to bust through the phone and ring his brother in laws neck.

"Relax! I'm kidding! It's milk!" JJ defended himself through laughter, to which Charley copied him blindly. Jessie found it a little funny herself, letting out a snicker and covering her mouth a bit.

"Did you feed her any fruits or veggies? She needs to have some with her meals." Jessie said. JJ gave her a look.

"Jessie... do you really think we have fruits and veggies in this house? She's not gonna die from no fruits and veggies for a couple of days."

"Well you all should be eating your fruits and veggies." Jessie was about go full mom on all the pogues until JJ spoke up.

"Okay well it's time to go to bed nooooow! Say bye mama!"

"Byeeee mamaaaa! I love youuuu!" Charley screamed once again. At this point all that Rafe and Jessie could see was her eyes up close to the screen. They of course found it adorable.

"Goodnight baby..." Rafe interjected with a smile. "And don't forget... if you need me or mommy, just have uncle JJ call us and we'll come running okay?"

"Okayyyy! Night night daddy! I love you!"

"I love you too sweetheart."

"Alright Char Char, now go see aunt Kie. She's gonna tuck you in and I'll be there in a few minutes."

Jessie and Rafe heard a few mumbles and waddling footsteps as they assumed their daughter was being whisked away to sleep. JJ looked back at the phone with a look of defeat, his happy facade quickly disappearing as soon as his niece was out of sight.

"She makes me want to smoke." JJ said plainly as he ran his hands through his hair, not a hint of a smile apparent on his face anymore. Jessie noticed how tired and defeated he looked, and yet she couldn't help but laugh in complete understanding.

"Yeah, well... maybe don't feed her sugar all day and she won't wear you out like she did today." Jessie sassed. JJ just shrugged off her judgement.

"Whatever... are you guys having fun?" JJ asked, trying to feign interest, even though he could tell they had already gotten things off to a great start. As much as the thought grossed him out, he was grateful that his sister was getting back to her old self one way or another.

"Yeah, it's been great so far. Just hangin around the house." Jessie replied.

"Alright, well, thank you for sparing me the details but... I'll let you guys get back to it..." JJ commented, his tone dripping with sarcasm. The both of them just laughed and said their goodbyes.

As soon as the phone call was over, Jessie threw her phone on the bed and spun around to look at Rafe, only having one thing on her mind.

[cervicrazed]

walt + all the other named members of his species

GAH this one took so long whoops

Haven't technically introduced other members of The Jek just yet, but I'll throw in one lil guy I've been rotating in my mind

OC Lore under the cut! (body horror cw)

^ Walt's "Human" form ^ 'Standard' Jek form

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

Walt-> a year or so after I made Wilton, I made Walt(on) - they weren't originally gonna be in the same story so I didn't notice there was only a vowel difference between them🤦🏽 I fixed this by having Walt choose his name to be similar on purpose, unknowingly bonding the two forever afterwards

Iniko -> originally heard it from an amazing artist of the same name! Really liked how it sounded so I looked more into the etymology & started crafting the story from there (working backwards this time around)

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

The Jek as a species are as old as fear itself - but Walt is around 80 or 90 years old by the start of the Dead Wood plotline

Iniko is about 15 years older than Bambi

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

Walt -> There've been a few, but Wilton is the only one he would die for. Since emotions are all he can see/smell, he often forgets that others can't tell what he's feeling just by looking

Iniko -> Not yet. They're a bit too preoccupied plotting revenge to think about anything else

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

All Jek feed on Nightmares, but as an individual, Walt's favorite are ones that involve the dreamer being chased by A Creature™ (Adrenaline is particularly sweet)

Iniko enjoys the taste of paranoia the most - it's not as filling as a full on nightmare, but it's in a much richer supply

💼 - What do they do for a living?

Walt -> Fulfills the role of a Boogeyman-esque urban legend to keep potential trespassers away from his family. Not to say he doesn't enjoy it, as the fear he inspires is it's own reward.

Iniko -> political subterfuge/espionage; despite having no interest in whatever politics are going on. Their services can be bought, but not with money; they'll only take the job if you agree to do something for them first (you may live to regret it).

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Walt -> Painting! He can't actually see the final product, but part of the fun is hearing Bambi and Wil try and guess what the art depicts

Iniko -> Enjoys studying and growing plants since they're the only living thing they can't mimic very well

🎯 -What do they do best?

Walt -> he's a skilled strategist! Prides himself on staying at least two steps ahead of everyone else; unfortunately doesn't mean he's never wrong

Iniko -> Mimicry! They've perfected their shapeshifting into an art - even being able to seemlessly mimic the voices & cadence of others

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

Walt -> Loves spending time with his family! Wil and Bambi are his entire world. Holds nothing but righteous rage towards Casters (magic users) - he blames their greed for driving The Jek to (near) extinction

Iniko -> Loves the feeling of 'getting away with it' & gossiping. It's a valuable way to get information, but they easily + inadvertently get too involved with local affairs. Hates everything about the Rader family, especially Bambi.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

Walt -> Dutifully watching and waiting for his daughter to grow. It took her a year and a half before she was ready to pluck out of the ground

Iniko -> Finding out they had a sister this whole time!

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

Walt -> Watching Wilton waste away to disease. While happy there was a way to revive him, Walt's not sure he can survive losing him again

Iniko -> Finding out they had a sister this whole time.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Walt -> kinda? His 'human disguise' hasn't really changed that much, but his 'true form' has changed at least 3 times

Iniko -> as of rn they don't have a design yet 💀 I'm workin on it!!

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Walt -> i wanted to make an OC based off supernatural's leviathans + that balerina girl from Cabin in the Woods (2011) bc I really liked the idea of a person's head/face being nothing but teeth

Iniko -> Getting this ask & watching Boy Kills World (2024). I haven't made another Jek character since Bambi, kinda wanted to change that thanks to this ask!

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

Walt -> Animated Dark Comedy, but bonus points if the hypothetical director can pull off the live action practical effects

Iniko -> Dark Fantasy Revenge Thriller....like The Prestige (2006) if there were monsters as well as magicians

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Walt -> Masc but not exclusively + Demisexual

Iniko -> Agender + Asexual

🙌 - How many siblings does your OC have?

Walt -> one, but he suspects they're long dead by now

Iniko -> one, and they hate her

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Walt -> Was stolen from his family shortly after sprouting; still aches for that lost connection but tries to make up for it with his new family

Iniko -> Relentlessly hateful towards their parents. Doesn't want to kill them, but not out of mercy; they want to take everything away from them first.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

Walt -> teef. They make drawing him take foreverr but it's always worth it to me. Pincushion of a creature

Iniko -> their antagonist status. Dead Wood's been desperately needing one for a while now and they're a very fun fit

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

Walt -> admittedly haven't drawn him in a while ...gotta change that

Iniko -> been drawing them a lot trying to figure out what they even look like. Haven't settled on a design I like yet

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

Walt -> nah. He'll live forever, which is much more tragic

Iniko -> maybe? They're too new for me to want to do that

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

Walt -> I guess technically he has all of them?

Iniko -> the only fear they have is of failure

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Walt -> his father in-law, an ancient forest demon

Iniko -> their sister, a moody teenager

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

Walt -> Easter, 2015...9 years...

Iniko -> as I'm writing this... a month or so?

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

Walt -> 14...

Iniko -> 22 💪🏽

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 117 - Twin Troubles Part 2

Gemma finds the two women in the hallway, seemingly looking for where the girls went.

Gemma: Mommy, Ms. Paisley, we was eatin' in Trent's room and Claudia and Marina started hittin' and yellin' and bitin' each other!

Ophelia: Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Why were you in Trent's room? You were supposed to stay in Claudia and Marina's room. It's not nice to go in there when he's not home.

Gemma: I-I-

Paisley: It's fine, Ophelia, those two would get up to something no matter what room they're in.

Ophelia: Okay but shouldn't you go in there and do something?

Paisley: Even if I did, they'd just, like, ignore me.

Ophelia: Maybe talk louder then.

Paisley: No, they can hear me, I meant they wouldn't care what I say.

Ophelia: Well you can't just let them kill each other.

Trent picked a great time to come home.

He can hear Marina crying and Claudia shouting from his bedroom. Of course Paisley couldn't hold down the fort for a few hours. Next time, he'll just ask his group partners to work on school projects at his house.

Trent: Paisley. Killing it, as per usual.

Paisley: Sorry, Trent! I was working on my singing with Ophelia, we were only gone for-

Trent: Whatever. I'll clean up your mess. What else is new?

Ophelia: Trent, it's just as much my fault. We'll keep the girls with us next time.

Paisley: I can go in there now and sort things out.

Trent: Don't bother. It's not like you'd know what to do. I think you and I both know the only thing you're good at, and the only reason my dad married you, involves you being on your knees.

It's probably not Ophelia's place to parent someone else's kid, but a loyal Sim like her isn't gonna let that slide.

Ophelia: TRENT! That is a completely disrespectful thing to say. Apologize, now!

Trent: Okay, I'm sorry!

Trent shuffles off in shame to deal with his sisters.

Trent's absolutely mortified from being called out by his favorite singer. Doesn't take too long to shake it off.

He splits the girls up and goes for the usual instigator, Claudia.

Trent: We've talked about the food thing, Clauds.

Claudia: Gemma did it!

Trent: Nice try.

Paisley: Thanks for standing up for me.

Ophelia: I know Trent's a kid but that needs to be nipped in the bud.

Paisley: He's not usually that mad, it's my fault. Those two can't be left alone or else they'll bicker.

Ophelia: He still shouldn't talk to you like that.

Paisley checks the time on her phone.

Paisley: Oh, Juan's going to be home soon. Trent's going to tell him I was a total fail with the girls. I promised him I would keep things under control while Trent was gone and I screwed it up again. No wonder they don't trust me with them.

Ophelia: You can blame me if it'll take some heat off of you. We probably shouldn't have expected a bunch of 3 year olds to stay in one spot for longer than 10 minutes.

Paisley: I guess… I just feel like I'm letting Juan down. I want the kids to like me but they still don't.

Paisley: I thought they'd warm up to me by now. Juan and I have been together for three whole weeks.

Ophelia: I'm sorry, WEEKS?!

Paisley: Uh, yeah?

Ophelia: I think they still need a little more time, sweetie. Teen or toddlers, kids struggle to adjust to big changes like that.

Trent's still dealing with the girls.

Claudia: Why don't Marina gotta go to timeout?! She bit me!

Trent: Unlike you, she apologized. And she didn't wreck my room. Come on.

Claudia: I wanna talk to my lawyer!

Trent: You don't know what a lawyer is.

Claudia: I still want one!

Paisley: I'd understand if you don't want to come back.

Ophelia, despite her better judgment, says otherwise.

Ophelia: No, we had a good session today. I'd love to keep working with you, if you'll have me.

Paisley: Oh, of course! Thank you, thank you!

Back at the Lemon residence, Ophelia chats with Gemma.

Ophelia: Sorry if you didn't have much fun today, muffin.

Gemma: I had fun 'til Claudia and Marina started fightin'. Why'd they do that, Momma?

Ophelia: Well, sisters fight sometimes.

Gemma: Me an' Lulu don't fight.

Ophelia: Well, it's hard to get in a fight with someone who can't talk. You and Lulu will probably fight someday.

Gemma: I don't wanna! I love Lulu!

Lulu is loving the taste of her shoe.

Ophelia: Sometimes we argue with people we love. Doesn't mean we love them any less. I'm sure Claudia and Marina said sorry and things are fine now, and it'll be the same if you and Lulu ever get in a fight.

Gemma trusts her mommy. She's never lied to her before!

Gemma runs off to play and before Ophelia puts her to bed, has a conversation with Lulu.

Ophelia: Please don't be as chaotic as the Esposito kids. I need you to be my nice, calm girl forever, okay?

Little Lulu Lemon, future yoga queen and zen guru, will take that to heart.

[last-flight-of-fancy]

more incredibly indulgent ff14 fic lets go

WoL: Hallima, Au Ra, he/they

Timeline: late in the first half of Shadowbringers, after Bismark's journey.

Alisaie and Hallima have a talk on the ocean floor.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Hallima looks up from where they're sitting on the only semi-flat rock they could find that was at least sort of dry, and raises an eyebrow.

"Limsa, obviously."

"Oh don't you sass me." Alisaie rolls her eyes, strolling down the hillside until she stands level with the outrcop and can look Hallima in the eye, hands on her hips. "You're not supposed to be going off alone."

"Blame Thancred for not keeping a good enough watch then." It was supposed to be a joke, but the words come out a little too harsh. Thancred had definitely noticed Hallima leaving camp, he just knew to leave them to it.

Aliasie's lips thin as an automatic reaction to the bitterness in their tone, but then her countenance softens, and she sits next to them on the damp rock.

"I know Ryne asked you earlier, but you didn't really answer. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me."

"Tell me how I feel then why don't you." That came out far too biting, and Alisaie blinks in surprise at the unexpected vitriol. Hallima bites their tongue until they taste copper. "Sorry."

"It's fine." She says, but it's clear she's not entirely sure what to say next. Words had ever been her brother's area more than hers. Hallima shakes their head, trying to dislodge the ugly thoughts and even more disruptive constant wearing of light, and gently nudges Alisaie with their elbow.

"Don't lie to me." They say, keeping their tone deliberately light. Alisaie snorts, but the awkwardness lifts slightly.

"I guess it was kind of a dumb question."

"You just wanted to know." Hallima shakes their head. It's understandable, despite their less than gracious reaction.

"Yeah." Alisaie sighs. "Okay, better question; how are you holding up?"

Hallima can't answer that right away, not really sure how to put it. Eventually they lift their hand and point out into the distance.

"See that?"

Alisaie squints out into the murky darkness. Honestly it was a miracle any of them could see at all down here. Bismark's magic at work probably.

"The big rock that looks like the only thing keeping it on top of that cliff is two twigs and a sheef of paper?"

"Yeah. Like that."

"I guess that makes sense."

"I hope so because the next best thing I have is 'like shit'."

Alisaie snorts a laugh, and Hallima is glad the dry humour landed the way it was intended.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, and despite the ever-present pressure of the light within and the constant awareness that Alisaie is directly in the possible line of fire, it's calming.

"You know..." Alisaie says at length. "I know it looks like that rock is gonna fall any second, but you'd be surprised how long geographic formations like that can last. Sometimes thousands of years."

"I still wouldn't make camp under it."

"Maybe not." Alisaie admits. "I guess I just wanted to say that.. I know it's gotta be hard and you probably feel awful, but you're the strongest person I know. I'm scared of losing you, you're scared of hurting us. I get it, but we'll get through this together. I'll make sure of it."

"Mh." Hallima lets themself smile in the face of her determination, born of fear or not, it's hard not to beleive her.

"I'm glad you weren't actually leaving." Alisaie admits then, turning her gaze out into the seemingly endless inky abyss. "I don't know what I would have done if you had just.. vanished."

Hallima doesn't ask why she thought they would leave. They both know it's crossed their mind more than once in recent days. Ever since vertigo started to strike them in waves and mirror's had become impossible to look at.

They wonder what everyone else sees, but considering only Y'shtola has reacted overtly to their condition, they assume the overwhelming light must be visible only to them.... And Y'shtola.

If they get through this they should get Y'shtola something nice. She must be even more blind than usual with Hallima soaking everything around them in light.

"Do you ever wonder what you would look like?" Alisaie's next question takes them off guard, blinking down at her in surprise. She glances up and shrugs. "What? Might as well make some light of it. So to speak."

"I guess 'make dark of it' doesn't have quite the same ring, does it?"

"Not with that attitude. I think you'd have huge horns. Like battering rams."

Hallima snorts at the image.

"As if I don't already." They swing their head a bit as if to show said horns off. "There will probably be wings. Most sin eaters seem to have them."

"Almost certainly. Often several pairs of them. Yours would be clipped though."

"Oh?"

"No one wants to become a sin eater, but no one has fought against it as hard as you."

Hallima doesn't think that's particularly fair. The deck was stacked in their favour, and they are still slowly losing ground despite that.

Still.

"I bet... I wouldn't have legs. Like a snake." Hallima nods.

"Eh? But you're a dragoon!" Alisaie puzzles at their logic. "Jumping is your whole thing!"

"Exactly. The sin eaters we've fought are always so contrary to what they began as. Forgiven this, absolved that. Twisted into uniformity by removing the individual." Hallima stops, sensing that their speculation is going a little too far. "Anyway. Yeah. No legs. Or stumpy useless ones."

Alisaie looks down, and Hallima worries for a moment before she reaches out and takes their hands. To Hallima's vision they shine brightly against her peach-toned palms, so far removed from the deep ashen blue they were used to.

"Then in that case... I think you would have spears for hands. I've seen you working in the forges sometimes, I never really considered it before recently, but you're an artisan at heart, aren't you?"

"Not really." Hallima shrugs. "It's just something to keep me occupied between the world ending catastrophies."

"Hm, if you say so." She says, but she smiling and Hallima gets the feeling she doesn't beleive them. "Speaking of, did you make that armour?"

"Is it the purple set?" Hallima can't see it when they're wearing it now- the whole mirrors being overwhelmed by light thing- and they haven't had the chance to take it off and change properly in.... too long. They're probably offensively rank but the whole group is in the same situation down here at least.

Alisaie nods.

"Then yes."

"Mh hm." She grins. "I told you. Artisan."

Hallima shakes their head, but there's a return smile on their lips at the playfulness.

They're not sure how long the two of them stay out there, talking of things dark and light and both, until finally Alisaie leans gently against Hallima's arm, eyes closed and breathing softly. Until the camp behind them begins to stir and someone at long last comes looking for them.

The fear remains, that any moment they will lose the battle against the light and bring harm to everyone they loved, but they continue on. For little moments like this. For the friend and sister who still somehow trusts them enough to sleep against their arm alone. For the brother who waited anxiously for their return. For all the scions who work tirelessly to try and fix this whole mess not because they are the Hero and Champion but simply because they care.

And if you must live in fear of becoming a monster intent on the destruction of everything you love, there is a certain comfort to be had in hoping that at least you'll be a cool one.

-

-

-

Bonus doodle of sin eater Hallima:

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[incandescentflower]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by both @mineonmain and @dribs-and-drabbles Thank you!

Credit: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Favorite Thai QL: Bad Buddy is still tops, although it is starting to be that there are stronger and stronger ones that maybe at some point it will be like choosing from favorite children haha. BBS is a great relational story line, but I am excited about the more plotty ones happening, especially with fantasy or sci-fi plots and have high hopes others will continue to rot my brain. (looking at you Be My Favorite)

Favorite Pairing: I really feel like this is gonna get boring if I keep talking about Pat and Pran so I'm gonna also say Ink/Pa - I love their dynamic, I was so excited they would be a ship. I also am pretty certain Pisaeng and Kawi will be on this list - for reasons you can find in my screaming all over my blog right now, but since it isn't over yet I guess only time will tell. I would also say Akk and Theo. I wouldn't equally say Cher and Gun, but Force and Book do what they do well. Their shows are very unserious, but we all need some of that in our lives and they are the best at giving it.

Most underrated actor: Until now, I would have definitely said Gawin Caskey. He was never given a lead role and more than anything was doing OSTs (although his voice is beautiful so that's a great way to use him, but shouldn't be the only way). Last year when he was in both Not Me and Enchante at the same time it was like "Why the hell hasn't he gotten a lead?" Seems clear now that he maybe hadn't been the most comfortable with all that being a lead entails, but he is out there doing it now and my boy is so good. I'm so happy for him. I hope this means he'll get more opportunities later.

Favorite Character: It isn't going to be original, but yeah, it's Pat and followed oh so closely by Pran. They're great characters brought to life by great actors. Pran feels a little closer to my own tendencies and so perhaps that is why I get all heart eyes for Pat too. He's just so heart on his sleeve when he stops being oblivious and you gotta love someone who loves openly, honestly without holding back.

Favorite Side Character: This one is tough because I love a ton of side characters, but surprisingly Wai keeps popping into my head. I think Wai clearly is a complicated character, but he does have a nice growth arc, let's go of his stubborn pride, which he seems pretty attached to, and comes around to caring about the engineering guys at the end. I'm sure that it's Jimmy that really sells it, but I have always had positive feels for Wai despite him pissing me off during the series lol. Obviously I love Ink and Pa, and yes, Korn. Pearmai is amazing in Be My Favorite and I love every scene she is in. Max too. I love Max so much, he could never get enough screen time. I've gotta stop or I'll just keep listing them.

Favorite scene in a QL: Ok, this is serious spoilers for Triage so if you don't want to read any, then don't keep going - but honestly I *loved* that the vision Tin had of Tol earlier in the series was actually Tol flipped into the loop. It was such a fun time loop variation and I really enjoy fun time travel paradoxes and scenes where you understand it better from a different angle. Like I say below, underrated.

Favorite line in a QL: This is impossible, but what came to mind first was the scene is ep 11 part 4 of BBS where Pat and Pran have an exchange but Pat's lines are: "Thank you. For trying to make a silly guy like me happy...You never leave me. You fight alongside me. That makes me feel very happy." Again, Pat just telling how he feels in the moment and I love that so very much. And Pran barely says anything with words, but Nanon is king of the sparkly eyes and he says it all in return.

Most Anticipated QL (& why): Only Friends. I love all the actors. It's gonna be a hot mess of drama and all of them in the roles clearly are going to have fun doing it. And Cherry Magic because I want to see how they adapt it and after seeing Tay and New non-DBK roles I think they'll be great in it.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: Pat and Pran are the great communicators who know each other enough to give and take when it's needed and isn't that what we all hope to be able to do?

Most toxic relationship in a QL: I...feel like I have to plead the fifth on this. the ship I would put here is very popular and I think their whole dynamic is problematic and can't really even think about them without feeling annoyed so yeah, I have one that stands out over the others for me but I'll leave it at that. there's definitely plenty though. the healthy relationships are not always the majority.

Guilty pleasure series: Hmm, probably Together with Me. There was so many problems with that show and the plot was terrible in many ways, but Max and Tul were so convincing as the best friends who turned lovers and couldn't get out of their own way. I loved them in that. I also mostly liked Big Dragon which is another problematic start but worked for me. My rule apparently is if you are gonna hook up and be messed up, you both gotta be equally under influences.

Most underrated series: Well, this could change depending on how Be My Favorite ends and is finally received (I think it might not get the noise it deserves, it doesn't seem like it is at this point) but Triage is definitely what I'd say is most underrated one that has finished. It's plot is fun and the holes are lamp shaded and the actors obviously have great chemistry and the theme is that trying matters and I need those kinds of messages in my life, pretty much all the time.

I'm not sure who has been tagged before but how about @galauvant @lurkingteapot @dimplesandfierceeyes @sunshinedobi @kornswasianguyswag @dragonsareawesome123 @dontbesoevil

but no pressure, only if you want to :)